I Was For A Time A Gold Star Lesbian, Now I'm Not

I have a high threshold for confrontation. I can and do argue a lot. I like to get my way, even when that means that the other side just shuts up. I've been like this since I was little. In my family I am described as bossy and a pain in the ass. Why am I this way? I've been to so called therapists and I get a lot of mumbo jumbo. I don't really think therapists are anything more than old fashioned snake oil salesman or women. What they sell does not work, but they love to have you keep coming as long as you continue to pay. Off my soapbox now.

My grandmother told me several times that one day I was going to meet the man that would put me in my place and keep me there so I had better learn the basics of running a house. If I was lucky that man would take care of me, meaning knock me up, so I had better learn the basics of child care and rearing because that is a tough job and men don't help.

Well my last laugh at grandma was when I grew up to become a lesbian. Ha Ha.

I am sailing through my lesbian life, with two significant relationships in my past, I'm about to turn 29, I have a job in the coveted HR for Lesbians. I have my certificates and my masters degree. Who can touch me now?

I got rolled over by a man. Not nice, not asked for, not wanted, but rolled over nevertheless. A much bigger human being than me, he held me down with one hand on my chest, an inch from my throat and told me to get my pants off. I spat at him, and I got a slap. Under his stare I removed my pants. Fuck me asshole I yelled at him. He did. What I had never thought about was that when a man fucks you, it's not only your vagina he is fucking, he is fucking 'you'. And the 'you' is what you have no defenses for. Why else would you get up and search for your panties to cover yourself up, when he had just fucked you.

A man does not only fuck you once, he continues to fuck you, both your vagina and 'you'. Fuck you until you are the one bringing him a cold glass of water after the fuck. It's you that is waiting for his next commands. It's you that goes back to his side knowing that he can and probably will fuck you again. Never in any of my relationships had this happened to me. The need for him to want to fuck me was strong, I hurt inside when he bypassed fucking me and sent me out to get some Chinese food while he watched tv. If you don't like football, you had better learn. That one my grandmother never told me.

I never used any form of protection. None. I knew full well what was going to happen to me and I went to him anyway. I convinced myself it was some inner drive I didn't understand, why else was I behaving like that. Intentionally giving myself up to fuck. I learned or imagined how much he shot into me when he came inside. That was a good one, he really loaded me up that time. But give me more, fill me up one more time. I secretly read articles of how to become pregnant, what were the signs, how to know when you were most fertile. But the months went by and I faced disappointment one more time. Was there something wrong with me? Him?

I confirmed with my doctor I was fertile, in that I ovulated and released an egg into my womb. She told me, you have to relax, you are hurting your chances trying too hard. Lay back, enjoy it and one day the miracle will happen. Have you thought about giving your man a good time. Give him oral sex, bring your libido up, dance naked for him, bend over in that oh my he got a look at my snatch. You have to get into that place, when your body is ready to receive his sperm.

God, please forgive me for what I am about to do. I got on my knees between his legs while he was watching 'the game' and sucked him until he had to pay attention to me. I caught it in my mouth and showed him a mouth full and slowly swallowed it down. It got him off the couch and ran to the room without my panties on, he caught me, forced me face down, and stuck his dick right in me, wham bam. I'm pregnant now.