Something Is Wrong With Me

This has been concerning me for a while now. I don't know what's wrong with me. I often fantasize about being SAed. I know that it's a common fantasy which women have but somedays my fantasies become extreme. I imagine getting tortured for hours. I imagine the most horrific stuff that could happen to someone. I imagine a lot of physical abuse stuff too. I sometimes masturbate to this but sometimes I just keep imagining till I feel like throwing up. I never had any trauma in my past. I don't know if this is normal but I started having sexual thoughts very early. I was 8 or 9 when I discovered that squeezing my thighs together feels good and started doing it often. I also starting googling nude images at this time. When I was 10 or 11, I started fantasising about being kidnapped or forced to marry someone. I didn't really know how sex worked then so I didn't fantasise about sex but the fantasies did have some sexual elements.

I was worried that I might have some repressed memories but I don't have the main symptoms. Like I don't fantasise about a family member, I don't get panic attack around a specific person or a place so I don't know. I think I'm just a messed up person.