A Monster Have Now Created In Me And I Will Never Be Able To Tame It.

Last summer my 18yo son and i had a bitter fallen out which i kept secret only because he begged and literally pleaded with me not to say anything to anyone including his dad who kept asking why did i send him away to stay with my mother?
My mom also asked me what was the matter but i told her he kept disrespecting me which was not really the truth. I am a nudist at home but only when i'm alone. I also sleep in the nude. My son and i have been sharing a 2 bedroom dwelling that i rented the moment i got uncomfortable with the room that i shared with him when i was living with my mother. My pregnancy had caused me to drop out of school at the age of 15 and i raised my son with very little help from his dad who is a married cop.

I was well asleep one night with my legs spread wide apart only to feel something in me. It took me a while to figure out what was happening, but when i started having an orgasm that was when i woke up only to see my son removing 2 of his fingers from my wet pussy..
We literally fought that night but he refuses to hit back because he knew he was in the wrong for what he did. My strength was no match for his as he's a strong young man comparing to me being a thin petite woman who only weighed 122 pounds. I told him he better be gone by sunrise because i will hurt him if he didn't leave. That was when my mother call to ask me what was the matter. His dad heard of the altercation but he never heard of the real cause either and within days it went cold for everyone.

I started to miss my son only after a week. He's my only company. I loved him from the day i gave birth and i still loved him even though he hurt my feelings. It was during the Christmas period when i called him and said "get your ass back home". He blurted more apologies and here we are together again. Now here is the weirdest part. My memory kept roving the incident. I'm trying very hard to deny my feelings ever since he returned home but the truth is, i would love if he could do it again and make me cum that hard. The taboo feeling felt really good as my pussy kept feeling wet whenever i go to bed at nights and reminisce.
That fucking boy have now triggered something in me that i now craved for it to happen again but there's no way he would do it based on what had happened. I'm now having very strong feelings for him to fuck me also as i remembered his strength when he held me while we fought that night. Life can be miserable when you cannot get what you want. What should i do after what had happened?