Favors For Money And Things

To start, when I was 7-8 years old, I was semi-regularly sexually abused by a family friend. He convinced me that I would get in trouble if he were to tell anyone what happened, amongst other threats that kept me from telling anyone. So, I grew up with a very skewed view of sex. From about that age, I was diagnosed with a compulsive sexual personality disorder, and often would compulsively masturbate at very inappropriate times (e.g. school, parks, anywhere I experienced negative emotions, etc.).

Jump forward to when I was between 11 and 15, I would go onto AIM chatrooms every night looking for girls to talk to. Shockingly, this actually worked a few times, and I lost my virginity (my consensual virginity) to a girl I met in an AIM chat room. What was much much more common was for men to message me - almost always adult men. I think because of my experience with sexual abuse during my childhood, I didn't register this as being strange or gay or anything like that. It was just sort of normal, to me, and not until much later in my life did I realize the emotional damage all of this caused.

I realized pretty quickly that these men would do just about anything to meet me, which included giving me money or buying me specific things that I wanted. During that age range (11-15), I met a number of men a number of times to give them blowjobs and eventually sex with a few of them, in exchange for pretty much whatever I wanted. If there was something that I wanted, that I couldn't afford or legally buy, that's immediately where I would go, and it almost always worked out. Early into that, it would be for things like video games, but around 14-15 I would have them buy me alcohol and cigarettes. I never even remotely thought of what I was doing as something that was gay or even sexual, it was just a transaction in my mind.

The older I got, the less responses I would get, as those disgusting men were more interested in someone especially young. I also started having steady girlfriends, and it started to dawn on me that what I was doing might not ethically be okay, considering my relationships. So, about when I was 16 I completely stopped this behavior. I now was able to drive and I had a job, so I was able to get places I wanted and buy things I wanted. I worked with adults who would buy me cigarettes and alcohol, so that wasn't an issue anymore either.

It's very strange to think back at how many years I did that, and how many times (more times than I can remember clearly). I'm now married, and my wife and I have a five kids. I'm also in twice weekly therapy (one group and one individual) for my sexual compulsive behavior disorder, which is helping me find much healthier coping mechanisms.