I Have Bisex Syndrome, In Love With A Woman, On A Man's Leash

Over the later years in high school and furring college I experimented exclusively with other women. I never had a soul to soul relationship. I was open to one night stands, and sex for money.

Along comes Joe, as asshole toxic male. Takes me into a bedroom at a party and I walk out pregnant. After soul searching, and a hard talk with a friend if mine, I elected to suck up my bad luck and get married. I fell in love for the first time with my new baby, a beautiful bouncing boy. I could not hide my affections. I could not wait to get pregnant again. I happily spread my legs and my husband told me that's how he liked it. I didn't tell him I was getting pregnant.

The long and short is I had four children in five years. I was diagnosed with a dependency syndrome. I needed a strong toxic man to own me and getting pregnant for him was my way of proving my submission to him. Funk you!, but that's what the therapist told me.

I have a complicated sexual personality. I focus on women for sexual gratification, become submissive in a toxic man's possession, transfer love for a male to my children. What the fuck? So I kiss a girl and get aroused, kneel and suck off my husband, and then cuddle up with my baby? That's my 'problem'?

Either way, I have four children and got my tubes tied. I spoil my children and obey my husband. I am currently playing sex games with a woman from my childhood. At least I know she loves me, and she tolerates my toxic husband. If, and I really truly don't know, I 'love' someone, it's her. My husband fills my need for an authority figure. I am one of those women who needs to belong to a man who keeps me on a short leash. And yank my leash to get my attention.