Inocent Child

I'm 70 white male father of two daughters that live in other states. I live alone and lonely these days since the wife past 5 years ago.I was sitting yesterday thinking about all the sex I've participated in my lifetime while masturbating of course.Always horny,Something I've done daily most of my life even when in relationships..I've been led around by my constant horny cravings as long as I can remember. If I thought it would feel good I did it.I've done some stuff. As a boy long before puberty long before I developed hair down there I remember the older boys allowing me to earn entry to their tree house and club house buy playing with their dicks. Why I remember it in such detail I don't know.The oldest of them a park counselor they called them. high school age guys and gals that handed out volley balls,basket balls, checkers card etc. at the park and supervised us children...This one counselor much older black curly pubic hair so black you could see the blue when the light hit it.I remember like yesterday his snow white cock who's head was covered with skin unlike mine who didn't have skin. I remember him pulling this skin back past the head, sticking the tip of my tongue in his pee hole and he'd slide the skin over his dick head enclosing my tongue, he's slide it back and forth over and over ,the intoxicating smell of his cock and balls,pubic hair tickling my face, he instructed me how to stick my tongue out far as I could while he pushed his dick in my mouth and yes he'd cum down my throat.Warm salty sweet, I liked it..I sucked him often until someone saw us,my father found out.It was an ugly scene. The counselor was charged with child m****tation...My father a German alcoholic stripped me naked and beat holly hell out of me with his leather belt,telling me no son off his was going to be a queer...remember I was pre-puberty, had no idea boys aren't suppose to play with boys. I didn't even know what sex was. My mother and fathers older sister pulled him off of me.It was a scream fest. He would have beat me to death..I developed an uncontrollable facial twitch that day. He would beat me in the same manor weeks later because of the nervous twitch. My father was a mean drunk. I can't remember one happy memory of him. He never hugged, kissed me that I can remember.When sober he would buy me toys because he felt guilty.My mother told me he loved me, but he never said the words to me.I spent my lifetime hating my father. I never spanked my children and I stopped drinking as a young man because I'd look in the mirror and see him. I behaved like my father when I'd get drunk.My mother used to say long after dad died that I was my fathers son and I hated it because I hated him..I don't want to be anything like him. Makes me cry in my old age. Why didn't he hug and kiss me, love me.I hate him to this day.I visit my mothers grave and ignore my fathers. My younger adopted sister will tell you what a wonderful man he was because he spoiled her rotten. She couldn't do any wrong..He gave her the love he never gave me. My sis wasn't around for the beatings she came much later in life.I've never told her.I don't want to cloud her memory with the truth...