Divorced And Sexually Frustrated I Turned To My Oldest Brother

I know this sounds really bad but given our history together and the fact I did not want to have one night stands or risk something happening with my children in the house. I had a few bad experiences right from the start and decided the risk of meeting someone new was just too great. One evening during a fit of frustration I called up my oldest brother and asked what he was doing, Oh the usual he said, working in the shop doing this and that sort of thing. I was hesitating not sure what he would think of it, he had been divorced for about five years at the time, maybe he had a girlfriend I did not know about, doubted it but never know.
Some history of us starts when I was around thirteen and he is four years older than I am, oldest of us three siblings, during the summer break it would be the three of us at the house all day with him as the supervision. One morning while I was still in my sleepwear, a long t-shirt kind of gown popular back then, he just grabbed me and took me into his room. Before I could even think to ask what was going on that gown was up over my head and he was on top of me playing with my breasts, I was told to keep my arms stretched out above my head and be quiet. He began licking and sucking on my nipples also, licked pretty much my whole torso down to my vagina where he began kissing, licking and using his tongue on me like I had never felt in my life. By the time he was done with me I had several orgasms and felt like my whole insides had melted right out of me, not sure how he knew what to do back then but he was great at it. Several days later the weekend came, he had done this to me every day, it was Saturday morning and I found myself wishing our parents were not home because I really wanted him to do it again.
The evening I called him I was in that exact same state of mind, I wanted him to come over and pull off my clothes and pleasure me anyway he wanted like right now. I was caressing myself while on the phone with him imagining what he would do to me, I heard him ask if I was okay because it seemed I guess I did not sound normal. I told him No, need you to come over and do what you want to me. Even after I said it I sort of closed my eyes and bent over waiting to hear his response and thinking the worst, there was a pause and he asked if I meant like back in our teens when he would pleasure me. I simply said Yes.
He showed up about half an hour later, no kissing and not much foreplay as we walked back to my bedroom with me in front of him, we had my house to ourselves with my kids staying at their dads and he took off my clothes in seconds. I just stood there letting him do it knowing what was coming as he pushed me down on the bed then started climbing on it himself. He started with my breasts like before, slid a hand down between my thighs and rubbed my vagina then worked his way down there kissing and licking me to an orgasm in like five minutes because I was so worked up and he did just what I wanted, he kept going giving me several more then made me suck his cock. I was so turned on and out of my mind with sexual pleasure he could of kept going all night and I would have submitted to it. He left and as I was walking him to the front door I asked him to do me a favor tomorrow night, he asked me what it was and I told him I would call him when I was getting into the shower, I wanted him to come over and be waiting for me to walk out of the bathroom. I told him to grab me and do whatever he wanted to me, did not care just give me several orgasms and make if rough like he used to back then. He told me okay, see you tomorrow then and off he went, I locked the door still feeling all the pleasure he gave me and could not wait for tomorrow to receive more of it. He was the safest person I knew that would relieve my frustration, I let him do it for about three more years until I met Sam but honestly no guy has ever done it like my brother, no idea what it is, perhaps it is the taboo feelings I get from it.