The Feminization Of Mary

This is for all women, not just lesbians making their way through the world.

I never developed. Flat chested, and slim, I felt I didn't have hips. I was an awkward child. I inherited the masculine traits of my father. I went through puberty with a lot of emotional pain. Getting my period was a real mess in more ways than one. My mother tried hard for me to be more feminine, but she failed.

I was sent to an 'alternative' school when I kissed a girl in the bathroom. I didn't deny it, which made it worse. The scarlet letter story comes to mind, except the L burned onto my forehead was for "Lesbian". In that period of my teens I had huge hormonal fluctuations, and birth control did not set them at ease. There was this underlying aggressiveness that I didn't understand. I kissed the girls and made them cry. Until I kissed a girl who closed her eyes and let me keep on kissing her and feeling her up and she said 'I love you'. I had met another Lesbian in the eleventh grade.

I had high testosterone, and the hormone treatment made me feel bad inside. Regardless, I didn't have curves and my chest was small with nipples that were too big. I didn't have a big clit, but my clit was so sensitive that I wore a pad to keep me from rubbing in my pants. I had that girlfriend in the eleventh grade, but she moved and I hadn't learned yet how to come onto a girl, I was 'weird', and a 'dyke'.

In college it was easier, no supervision, and there were lesbians who were obvious and wanted to be lesbians. I went through two or three girls like a hot knife through butter before I met Sam. Sam had one desire, move to Italy and study j*welry design. I had finally met 'that' girl for me, and she left. That's when 'he' struck.

No warning, no defensive instincts on my part, full court press, overwhelmed I fell backward and he did the rest. I cussed him out and spit on him. He wiped his face and put his finger in my face. The obvious didn't escape me, he fucked me. And he fucked me. Why he wanted a skinny dyke for a girlfriend didn't make sense. But he did, and he continued to fuck me, to keep me in his bed. I got every lecture you can imagine. Including being stood naked in front of the mirror 'what did I see'. He did all the fucking and my job was to take it, and then clean up the kitchen. Those were my last two years at college.

I should add that it was that hormone treatment I was on that kept me from getting pregnant. It did not escape me, I kept up my hormone treatment. What I didn't expect was that I started to subconsciously 'feminize' my behavior. All of a sudden I was telling him not fold the towels like that, towels have an 'inside out' problem too.

I went away with him, Sam stayed in touch, asking me how it was going and if I had gotten over being Lorded over. When I told her I was pregnant she sent me a bouquet of flowers. She made me a locket of 18k gold, to put my new baby's picture in. When she came to see me, because I didn't live anywhere close to any family, she said I looked 'radiant' and held her hands on my belly. Sam stayed with me for the birth and weeks after to help with the chores. She was immediately Aunt Sam.

I went along with a sibling request, and Sam moved close to us and worked for a jewelry store doing her stuff. After my first birthing I didn't need hormone treatments, which were always a placebo and a crutch. My body self regulated, which meant I had a normal cycle and put up with the mess. All that maternal stuff made my boobies feel bigger.

Sam is my Significant Other and we live together in a house with four bedrooms and a pool in the backyard. A wedding g*ft from my husband when we got married. Or maybe a g*ft so his children can live a normal suburban life. We have an SUV, and go out to dinner. When we have a light bulb that needs changing we call my husband, so he can use his handyman skills in front of the children.

In my case a man brought order into my life. And, of course, I have my children.