-
Women Only
-
Straight Female / 36
Life After Lesbian Culture
Having spent my early life as a high school lesbian I had to make a lot of accommodations. I spent my college and immediate years after in a 'hyper' lesbian environment. I hope I never return there.
At the age of 30 I decided that I would join my sisters and have a couple of kids of my own. In order to have kids you have to 'choose' the father. An anonymous donor, is not a choice, it is a gamble. I chose a man that I know to be a good father, a good provider, is very intelligent, and is in lesbian terms a toxic male. I went to him with the terms I wanted understood between us. I found out that there is no room for negotiation when you intend to become a mother to his children. You take the terms he lays down. And those terms are for 'life'. I now understand what being 'married' means, in real terms.
I prepared myself both mentally and physically and permitted him to attack and take me prisoner. I surrendered before the battle and the victor gets the spoils. I became pregnant way too soon and way to easy. I was off to the races in a race I had no idea how to run. Toxic males aren't ones you have fights with, that is a losing proposition. The most you can hope for is a draw, and you are still pregnant. The immediate task at hand once the reality of what I had done set in, was to secure the resources. Again, you get 'married' to secure the resources for you and your children. I had to agree to that arrangement, if I wanted a secure pipeline of resources, and additional children. I got married.
With your attention diverted to making and raising children, the toxic nature of the husband fades into the background. You don't even notice.
I am now 36, with three children and a toxic husband. Most every day I never think about it, my life is so complicated trying to balance me against the demands on me, that I surrender before the battle. I know now what having a kid on the 'tit' means, kids are never off the tit. And a toxic husband is also on the tit, that's one of the terms of surrender. You 'exist' for them, morning, noon and night. Me? there is no ME. There is only THEM. I know now what being 'devoted' to him means, what being 'devoted' to your children means, what 'devoted' to your home means.
I can't really remember my life before I surrendered. When I was a 'lesbian'. Whatever that was.
At the age of 30 I decided that I would join my sisters and have a couple of kids of my own. In order to have kids you have to 'choose' the father. An anonymous donor, is not a choice, it is a gamble. I chose a man that I know to be a good father, a good provider, is very intelligent, and is in lesbian terms a toxic male. I went to him with the terms I wanted understood between us. I found out that there is no room for negotiation when you intend to become a mother to his children. You take the terms he lays down. And those terms are for 'life'. I now understand what being 'married' means, in real terms.
I prepared myself both mentally and physically and permitted him to attack and take me prisoner. I surrendered before the battle and the victor gets the spoils. I became pregnant way too soon and way to easy. I was off to the races in a race I had no idea how to run. Toxic males aren't ones you have fights with, that is a losing proposition. The most you can hope for is a draw, and you are still pregnant. The immediate task at hand once the reality of what I had done set in, was to secure the resources. Again, you get 'married' to secure the resources for you and your children. I had to agree to that arrangement, if I wanted a secure pipeline of resources, and additional children. I got married.
With your attention diverted to making and raising children, the toxic nature of the husband fades into the background. You don't even notice.
I am now 36, with three children and a toxic husband. Most every day I never think about it, my life is so complicated trying to balance me against the demands on me, that I surrender before the battle. I know now what having a kid on the 'tit' means, kids are never off the tit. And a toxic husband is also on the tit, that's one of the terms of surrender. You 'exist' for them, morning, noon and night. Me? there is no ME. There is only THEM. I know now what being 'devoted' to him means, what being 'devoted' to your children means, what 'devoted' to your home means.
I can't really remember my life before I surrendered. When I was a 'lesbian'. Whatever that was.
- That's Juicy! 8
- Remove It! 12
