I Have Been A Pleaser Most Of My Life

I won't tell you how old I was when my father introduced me to his penis and told me what to do, I spent several years being his personal oral slave for the most part. My first serious boyfriend was filled with fetish desires and I was used for quite them, again I was always just this quiet person wanting to please people and not make waves. He was in his late twenties at the time and I was seventeen or so, one of the wildest things he did one time was turn me into basically a snack tray for his friends to enjoy, four of them came over and they all sat around the table eating food off of my naked body along with playing around with me. I would end up on my hands and knees later that evening pleasuring all of them with my boyfriend sitting around just watching them. When it was all over he tied me down to the bed and pleasured me even more along with himself then passed out next to me leaving me tied up for several hours, thank goodness nothing was restricting enough to cause me injury but I ended up peeing on the bed because I could not wake him up.
He left me if you can believe it, I could hardly believe it as I sat there reading the note he left for me telling me he hopes I find my true partner one day. I ended up having to move back in with my father, I moved right back into my old bedroom and it was like I had not even left. The first night I am back he woke me up at like five am to give him a blow job before he went to work, told me he was really glad I was back when he was done. I am still amazed today that part of me was glad to back also, he was actually really nice to me all the time, I started cooking and cleaning the house and would be at his service anytime he wanted it done. I lived with him again for almost four years in my thirties and ended up right back to being his personal blow job service and this time I had a child with me. I had left my husband who was becoming very verbally abusive to me, worried he may act out physically, I think he just wanted us gone though because our divorce went very quick.
I write all of this because now my father has passed away for about two years, he left me his house and what else amazed me was how much he had in retirement savings, all mine now g*fted from him. I am trying to not have any serious relationships, I do not want to fall back into the same trap again but it is hard to be on my own. I take care of my child spoiling them a lot like my father always did for me, nothing sexual of course, just always being there and volunteering for events all the time. I always wonder if after they are an adult will I try and seek out another partner, maybe but I want him to be a much more understanding and softer person, like my father was if that makes any sense at all.
I have never been mad or upset about the way I grew up, I think in my early adult life I made some poor choices in men, it all seemed like the right thing to do at the time