I Still Miss Him

My grandfather passed away a little over a decade ago. Technically he was my mom’s stepfather, but he married my grandma when my mom was a baby. It was around that time I found out how wrong our relationship was. We started getting close after my grandma died. And in that time I fell for him. I truly was in love with him. At my insistence it became more and more sexual. He couldn’t get it up much, but we made do. After he passed, my mom found out and dragged me to therapist after therapist. They said the worst things, like how I was a victim, etc. But it was me who pursued it! Now she’s given up because I keep dating old men. Is he says I’m just going to be some old perv’s trophy piece of ass. I just want back what I had. I want the relationship I had with my grandfather.