Straight Female / 21
Asexual But With Busy Sexlife For Questionable Reasons?
I have weird relationship with sex… It’s never been something I’ve craved or found all that interesting and same goes for the idea of a relationships.…
I always considered myself as an asexual but I don’t think that’s the right term as last 2 years I’ve had rather active sex life…
The thing is that I get my pleasure from the sensations and emotions and allowing myself to be used sexually has become the most effective means to it. It’s weird and hard to explain but the rush I get from (potential) humiliation is pretty intoxicating to me. It’s more about the possible consequences if people found out rather than just letting them know. I would hate if people found out but the thought and risk of it is the ticket.
All my “partners” have been over 60 and none of them been physically or emotionally attractive to me but those are things that add up to the shame and thrill part of it…
My own guess it’s about taking control of myself by doing things against the expectations that other people have for me as a someone with good upbringing and life. People are convinced I will get married and have kids despite I’ve told them I’m not interested in either of those things, so guess doing what I do is my way telling myself that I do what I want…
Theres many more of things that add up to it all, but that’s the quick and dirty summary of it… It’s surprisingly difficult to put it all to words…
I always considered myself as an asexual but I don’t think that’s the right term as last 2 years I’ve had rather active sex life…
The thing is that I get my pleasure from the sensations and emotions and allowing myself to be used sexually has become the most effective means to it. It’s weird and hard to explain but the rush I get from (potential) humiliation is pretty intoxicating to me. It’s more about the possible consequences if people found out rather than just letting them know. I would hate if people found out but the thought and risk of it is the ticket.
All my “partners” have been over 60 and none of them been physically or emotionally attractive to me but those are things that add up to the shame and thrill part of it…
My own guess it’s about taking control of myself by doing things against the expectations that other people have for me as a someone with good upbringing and life. People are convinced I will get married and have kids despite I’ve told them I’m not interested in either of those things, so guess doing what I do is my way telling myself that I do what I want…
Theres many more of things that add up to it all, but that’s the quick and dirty summary of it… It’s surprisingly difficult to put it all to words…
# 79556 - by
Polkadot / June 6, 2025
