That Feeling Is With Me And I Want To Awaken That Hidden Desire

I was sixteen when I was in an accident after school, which put me in the hospital. I had a broken hip and ankle, as well as internal injuries and lacerations. In the hospital, I was in a semi private room, there was another girl who had suffered an accident on a motorcycle. She was twenty and although we were mostly sedated, we did talk when we were eating. We asked to go to therapy together, walking on crutches and getting up and down by ourselves. It was difficult but we managed after a while, the big day was when we were actually able to go to the bathroom by ourselves without help from the nurses.

After we were released and we were walking with a cane or crutches, we got together at my house and we watched a movie. She told me that she didn't want to scare me, but she had feelings for me. She was that kind of girl. I should have been shocked and disgusted but I let her hold my hand in her lap and count my fingers. I let her kiss me on the cheek and put her arm around me. I let her kiss me on the lips.

My mother wasn't thrilled about her coming over, some of it was the age difference, she should be out with girls her age, and some of it was the obvious attractions. My mother attributed it to the 'trauma' of the accident. One afternoon we got carried away and she pulled off my pants and gave me an eating out on the couch. Now it was serious. I told my mother because I had to. She told me that I had to grow up and cut off that relationship before I was hurt, because she was infatuated with a kid, I wasn't a woman.

In time that's how it played out and she went on back to college and I finished high school. We kept up from a distance, but the feelings subsided and we both moved on with our lives. We had a large graduation party for ten girls, and at that party I met the cousin of one my graduating school friends, and I ended up losing my virginity. Because I got pregnant I got married and started a family.

I've been married twenty five years now, I have three children. When I dream I always dream of a specific girl. When I have sex I always dream of that girl. My friendships are always deep emotionally. I am not saying that it is natural for women to have lesbian feelings, I know that I do. And my best friend is a platonic example. One day I know it will become real, she cups my breasts without my bra on. I know I want her to kiss me. I love being cupped and held against her. I know that saying "I love you" isn't empty. I would really like it if she ran her hand down into my crotch when she is holding me. I know that we are playing with fire. But twenty five years I've given to my husband, I want a little for me now. I want to feel that, what I felt with my hospital roommate. That forbidden desire.