I Don't Know What I'm Doing

This is a covid story. I'm a non social type. During the days when we had to keep our distance I met a man who was also stuck in his apartment. He wasn't anti social, he just didn't see why he should talk with a woman. I offered hoping he would say no to fix dinner. And that became the beginning of a bad habit.

One of those evenings things got out of hand. You can't fix that sort of mistake. I did not want a friend, but now he was more than a friend, he expected getting my attention. I copied what I had seen on tv and the movies, I grew up in an orphanage so I didn't have a day to day experience. He didn't seem to mind I was an amateur.

When the rules were relaxed we kept seeing each other. He went back to work before I did. When I went back to work he wasn't happy. He wanted me home when he got there. For someone who had never been close with anyone I now had someone on my doorstep.

I can't get comfortable. Attending to his needs. It seems distant, unreal.