Living With Another Woman, I Somehow Am Lesbian, I Don't Know How

I'm thirty now, but not too long ago I was a twenty two year old recent graduate at my first professional job. I lived at home, my father had just committed suicide, my mother was a full time homemaker without any meaningful work experience, overnight I was the only source of income. My then fourteen year old sister got pregnant with a gang member at school. The stress was ruining me, and a woman took me into her arms.

This woman worked where I did, thirty three unmarried, a bit unfeminine, she embraced me and didn't release me. I woke up in her bed, unmade bed, underwear on the floor. I wasn't embarrassed, I was scared.

For many months I continued with her, losing my fear, getting into bed on my own. During sex I went to a fantasy world. One night, when I got to her house a guy was there, and when I woke up he was there. She encouraged me to let him have sex with me. I crawled out of bed, carrying his deposit in me. I became pregnant, and I had to face my mother, I wasn't better than my sister.

I continue in a lady relationship with her, my daughter just finished the first grade. My mother has a job in the kitchen of a major downtown hotel. I wasn't ever attracted to this kind of love. I can't definitively tie it to my father's suicide, but that's the only thing that makes sense to me. Somehow it reset who I am, instead of a father at my daughter's first ballet recital, her other mother was there.