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My Spouse
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Straight Female / 37
One Morning, Mid Morning, I Found Out About My Husband
In 2015 I let a man into my studio and he walked out after having had sex with me. It was unplanned and unwanted but proving that in a public setting wasn't something I wanted. I was surprised that I became pregnant, he is the father as no other man has been with me.
It became a thing of him helping me financially, but him having sex with me. Already pregnant I let him. After the birth of his child we had a court agreed maintenance agreement. He didn't push for custody, leaving me with that burden. He never refused me money, but I had to ask him. As the child grew older he was more and more involved with her. He wanted her to have a standard of living, so he gave me a comfortable allowance, as well as the court ordered maintenance payments. In return he got sexual access to me, and he wasn't hesitant to refer to me as his wife and mother of his children.
The money, the attention, the standard of living, all contributed to a second child. I purposely got pregnant to please him. At that point I knew I needed to get married before some other woman took him. I shouldn't have doubted him, he was happy to get married.
After the marriage I pulled on this little string in his story. Four years unaccounted for, nothing on his SS statement. He insisted I had nothing to worry about, but it bothered me. One day he held me to him, and told me he was DEA. And I had to come to terms that undercover he had other identities, and worried sick that I was an "Identity". These other identities 'may or may not' involve other women. I became jealous of a woman that was part of my imagination.
Then in a cataclysmic realization, was he in danger? Who cares about other women, my baby girls' Daddy was in the line of fire. I don't know how other women do it, married to law enforcement. I'm in a support group, but it's not helpful. My husband is out there, my baby Daddy is on the front line. I never thought I would find myself in this situation. I've spent more time praying than I have since I met him.
When a man has this background, please don't tell your wife, keep it secret, we aren't built to take this stress on. God knows him better than anyone, he's a good man and father. I'm working hard to be woman enough for him.
It became a thing of him helping me financially, but him having sex with me. Already pregnant I let him. After the birth of his child we had a court agreed maintenance agreement. He didn't push for custody, leaving me with that burden. He never refused me money, but I had to ask him. As the child grew older he was more and more involved with her. He wanted her to have a standard of living, so he gave me a comfortable allowance, as well as the court ordered maintenance payments. In return he got sexual access to me, and he wasn't hesitant to refer to me as his wife and mother of his children.
The money, the attention, the standard of living, all contributed to a second child. I purposely got pregnant to please him. At that point I knew I needed to get married before some other woman took him. I shouldn't have doubted him, he was happy to get married.
After the marriage I pulled on this little string in his story. Four years unaccounted for, nothing on his SS statement. He insisted I had nothing to worry about, but it bothered me. One day he held me to him, and told me he was DEA. And I had to come to terms that undercover he had other identities, and worried sick that I was an "Identity". These other identities 'may or may not' involve other women. I became jealous of a woman that was part of my imagination.
Then in a cataclysmic realization, was he in danger? Who cares about other women, my baby girls' Daddy was in the line of fire. I don't know how other women do it, married to law enforcement. I'm in a support group, but it's not helpful. My husband is out there, my baby Daddy is on the front line. I never thought I would find myself in this situation. I've spent more time praying than I have since I met him.
When a man has this background, please don't tell your wife, keep it secret, we aren't built to take this stress on. God knows him better than anyone, he's a good man and father. I'm working hard to be woman enough for him.
