Slept With My Son

This weekend was the first time I made love to my son voluntarily. He's 21, but I knew he had a thing for me for a very long time. I had him young, divorced his father early on, so it was mostly the two of us, but his fixation with me was unusual from puberty. As he got older, I could feel his desire for me growing. I have always been very liberal with my body and I normalized that with him, I wanted him to feel comfortable around women and see the female body as something completely natural. I'm still relatively young and modesty aside, very attractive, so I could understand any young man looking at me with desire, even if it was my son. But over the years it kind of spiralled out of control and couldn't find a way to confront him and stop it. I once found underwear of mine covered in cum, and it could only have been his. I even suspected he wanted me to find it. Then came the flirtatious comments. I was surprised that I didn't feel uncomfortable with that, just aware of how wrong it was. But it felt nice to be desired.
It all came to a head one day he came home at night, slightly drunk. He openly tried to seduce me, but as I rejected him, I only made it worse. He started forcing himself on me. I'm athletic, but small, and he's this tall, muscular young man. It wouldn't have been hard to subdue me, but I also started to give in. As he groped me, I started to like it. But it was confusing, either way. I felt pleasure, but also felt gross and violated as he tore my panties off and had his way with me. He was kinda drunk, so he finished quickly inside me, unprotected, which alarmed me. Emotions were high, so I screamed at him and chased him out.
He crashed with his father for a month. Last Friday I called him over to talk, admitted he had done something horrible and begged for my forgiveness. He also admitted that he didn't know why, but he was desperately in love with me and didn't have eyes for other girls. I had been sitting with my feelings this whole time and concluded that, as long as it was consensual and secret, it could be ok. So I forgave him, gave in and made love to him all weekend.