A Somewhat Modern Woman

OK, I will come out about my story. I was caught behind when the volcano our coffee plantation is on erupted. I was overlooked, forgotten when my family evacuated. The lava flow was minimal, on the other side, the ash was everywhere. When after five days some mountain rescuers found me I was covered in ash, almost dead. I spent many days in the hospital, my lungs were damaged.

I was five, I barely remember, most of my memories are stories from others. a couple of pictures.

Long term, I have no traumas. I've been back to the plantation hundreds of times. The ash swept away, reincorporated in the soil. I was precocious and at seventeen I allowed an employee to get close to me and I became pregnant. I spent my pregnancy in Spain, where the baby was placed for adoption. That hurts, even if I was a young girl. I often imagine it as an amputation.

Because of my behavior I became socially outcast, not suitable for marriage. I studied in Spain, and France. In my late twenties I met a wealthy older man, by twenty three years, got married and hurried to have three children.

My only 'bad' behavior was with that employee. I am mostly guarded and did not look forward to sex with my husband, but I wanted children. My husband now has problems most men his age have, so he drives a Ferrari. I am intimate with a woman, which is overlooked by my husband. She and I have been close for many years. I could never allow intimacy with another man, I'm old fashioned.

It is now many years since I have been to the plantation. I took my children when they were young, but after my parents passed I lost the enthusiasm.