Straight Male / 24
Sex Toys, Fetishes, Transgenderism, Experiments, And Conclusions
I’ve had a bit of a porn addiction for longer than I can remember at this point. Fetishes ranging from hypnosis, possession, futanari, forced feminization, sissification, and other stuff that runs parallel to that.
The thought came to me one day that, given what all my fetishes seemed to resolve around, I might just be a trans girl in denial, so I decided to bite the bullet and actually experiment. Got girly clothes, a bunch of sex toys, went to a hotel, and just started stimulating myself all over. If you go back a month before this point, I’d never even stuck anything up my ass, but now I’ve shoved things inside that I can’t even imagine would fit in there.
And the results of my experiment… are alright. I don’t really like the look of myself wearing those clothes, and despite my anal experiments, I was unable to actually derive pleasure and climax from any of it. The whole thing just felt like… I was trying to solve a problem that wasn’t really mine to solve in the first place.
I think I just have a porn addiction and attraction to femininity. One that’s solvable, and one I’ll work to solve. (The porn one, not the attraction one. The attraction one is fine.) But the transgender questioning (and to a lesser extent, homosexuality questioning) turned up blank. I don’t really know what dysphoria feels like, since I’ve always more or less been fine with my looks after I lost significant weight. I look in the mirror and see someone who I’m proud of being, who I wouldn’t want to change. (I do want to grow my hair out though, I think I could pull off a rockstar style with my curly hair.)
Even gave the ol’’sissy hypnosis audio files a try for the first time, just to see if I would feel *anything* from them (the act of being called a girl, that is), and I didn’t really care the whole way through. So I think the fetish there is actually watching a character in media get feminized, but I myself don’t really have an interest in it happening to me.
It’s strange. On one hand, I feel a sense of ease now that I can confidently say what I am and what I’m not, but on the other hand… actually, I don’t think there is another hand. I’m content.
The one thing I did gain from all of this though, is the realization that I don’t need to have children. I’ve always forced myself away from considering trans girls and men who do draw some sort of sense from me (those who tend to have more “feminine” aspects of themselves) as people I may have romantic feelings for, but after all this… I think I’d be alright with it. There’s a trans girl I might be forming a crush on, and I’ve tried to repress the feeling for so long, but after this, I think I’ll just let my heart feel however it does. Maybe it’ll just be a fleeting emotion, and maybe it’ll go nowhere. But at the very least, I’ll let my heart do what it wants.
I just wish it didn’t take me ~$500 to figure all this out, but hey, at least I can say I got something out of this trip.
- HereAndThereRaisedBottomVersion
The thought came to me one day that, given what all my fetishes seemed to resolve around, I might just be a trans girl in denial, so I decided to bite the bullet and actually experiment. Got girly clothes, a bunch of sex toys, went to a hotel, and just started stimulating myself all over. If you go back a month before this point, I’d never even stuck anything up my ass, but now I’ve shoved things inside that I can’t even imagine would fit in there.
And the results of my experiment… are alright. I don’t really like the look of myself wearing those clothes, and despite my anal experiments, I was unable to actually derive pleasure and climax from any of it. The whole thing just felt like… I was trying to solve a problem that wasn’t really mine to solve in the first place.
I think I just have a porn addiction and attraction to femininity. One that’s solvable, and one I’ll work to solve. (The porn one, not the attraction one. The attraction one is fine.) But the transgender questioning (and to a lesser extent, homosexuality questioning) turned up blank. I don’t really know what dysphoria feels like, since I’ve always more or less been fine with my looks after I lost significant weight. I look in the mirror and see someone who I’m proud of being, who I wouldn’t want to change. (I do want to grow my hair out though, I think I could pull off a rockstar style with my curly hair.)
Even gave the ol’’sissy hypnosis audio files a try for the first time, just to see if I would feel *anything* from them (the act of being called a girl, that is), and I didn’t really care the whole way through. So I think the fetish there is actually watching a character in media get feminized, but I myself don’t really have an interest in it happening to me.
It’s strange. On one hand, I feel a sense of ease now that I can confidently say what I am and what I’m not, but on the other hand… actually, I don’t think there is another hand. I’m content.
The one thing I did gain from all of this though, is the realization that I don’t need to have children. I’ve always forced myself away from considering trans girls and men who do draw some sort of sense from me (those who tend to have more “feminine” aspects of themselves) as people I may have romantic feelings for, but after all this… I think I’d be alright with it. There’s a trans girl I might be forming a crush on, and I’ve tried to repress the feeling for so long, but after this, I think I’ll just let my heart feel however it does. Maybe it’ll just be a fleeting emotion, and maybe it’ll go nowhere. But at the very least, I’ll let my heart do what it wants.
I just wish it didn’t take me ~$500 to figure all this out, but hey, at least I can say I got something out of this trip.
- HereAndThereRaisedBottomVersion
- That's Juicy! 10
- Remove It! 8
