Gay?

I’m a married man with a family but in the past the occasional co-worker or customer has asked if I’m gay or mentioned they think I am.
I will deny it but deep down it turns me on when I hear someone call me gay because I secretly am.
I love it if a guy is checking me out, it’s had sex with men a few times bottoming each time and I masturbate to transsexual and gay porn exclusively. I like to wear pink lingerie and get turned on by being called gay and all the gay ‘slurs’ I can think of.
I live a double life and if I could go back I wouldn’t have tried to ignore it. I would have embraced it and made sure I would be run through by as many men as I could every week.