Bisexual Male In The Closet

Since I was young I’ve always been attracted to men and women. I have always had to hide my longings for men. I just wish I could come out as bisexual. I hate societal norms that pressure me to keep this inside. I’ve abstained from sex with men for many years and likely will not have sex with a man again in my lifetime. And that really saddens me. I have had sex with two males in my lifetime. One was a childhood friend that went on for a few years and the other a one night stand in college. I crave it sometimes desperately but can only seek solace in porn and fantasies. I am rather submissive with men and only have been a bottom. I guess to some extent I am lucky in that there are some like me who have never experienced sex with a man. Just wish I could have it both ways. There are those that will probably say, come out and live your life. But the consequences would be devastating for me and those around me. I have to live with that and I can handle it. But to just be with a man, to feels his arms around me, to smell him, to feel his body, taste him and to feel him inside me again would be insanely awesome. The feeling and longings can be gut wrenching at times. I don’t think I could be with a man full time, like married. But to occasionally have sex with a man would be amazing. To let my submissive side out, let him take control and give in and let go…I miss it terribly. I am sure there are other guys out there like me.