Stuck In A World Where A Girl Does It For Me

I went to my first New Year's Party at a High dollar hotel after I finished college. I was invited by a group of friends and it was a friend's thing. I danced with a couple of the guys, but they didn't want to, so this girl and me danced together the rest of the evening.

I was with her when the midnight kiss came and these two girls who were dancing started to kiss and make out in front of us. It was the first time I got 'wet' from just watching. The girl with me said we should kiss too because it was just the two of us. We kissed on the dance floor, watching the other girls while I got kissed. I was wet by then, and when her hand grabbed me I jumped back and it broke the spell of the moment.

We stayed way from our table for the next hour, dancing until we were both sweating. She snuck in and kissed me over and over and I let her touch me. We went back to the restrooms and in the stall I let her kiss me and feel me up completely. She asked me to admit that I was into girls and I told her it was my first time. I did admit that i had not been fucked, and she promised to be the first one to stick her tongue in me.

We left the party together and spent the rest of the night together, she got her tongue in me, and I let her trigger me. We woke up late and got showered and dressed, and went to my apartment to change before going to this New Year's Day brunch. In the brunch line she held her hands on my waist to guide me and me leaned over the table to kiss me. If anyone saw us I didn't notice.

We spent the next two weeks together and she took me to an all girl night club. We danced and she took off my panties, to flash the other girls that she had me. It was two weeks of non stop playing around and going deeper and deeper and finding out things I didn't know of. But we hit the wall when we both came down with our periods, and had to sit back and cool it.

During that week I had a lot of time to think and I told her that what we were doing was hot and all that but it wasn't what I wanted. What I wanted from the time I was a girl, was a house with a big yard and lots of kids, and that wasn't going to be the way for us. We let go, and I went my way, she kept hinting and offering, but I met this man who wanted a fertile young woman to pump out the kids for him, and I got married. I have three now and live on a tree lined street with a backyard with a play castle.

If I catch two women holding hands or kissing I get butterflies in my stomach. When 'she' comes over it is always difficult. She wants to be able to outright kiss me, to show me affection. And that's my dilema.