-
It's Political
-
Straight Female / 29
From Daddy's Little Girl To "HIS" Woman
As an incoming freshman I was soon wrapped up in the lesbian club on campus. As a freshman I was at a mixed party with some upperclassmen. One of them cornered me, put his hand between my legs, I was not strong enough to push his hand away, I lost my balance and now he had me in a bear hug, I had never been in the sex grip so I wasn't clued into what came next, and he pushed my shorts down. My arms were pinned, my underwear beneath my hips, his erect penis poking and thrusting against me, he found my vagina and he was completely inside me as he worked himself into an orgasm.
I was released, pulled my pants up, he also pulled his pants up, approached me, held my jaw in his hand and kissed me. He took me to his apartment and I became his 'house slave'. Whether I became pregnant from my first time, or from anyone of the subsequent deposits is still an argument. I was fertilized that week, and delivered him a son nine months later. I was nineteen.
A lot of argument has ensued in female conversations about assault, r**e, etc. I was the victim, etc. The only thing that mattered is that I not only followed, I adapted to being the pregnant house wife. With all the trimmings, sporting my baby bump, and bragging about him. "Brainwashed" by him.
I sat out a semester, I found a great sitter, took nine hour semesters, finishing my degree on the scenic route with two kids and one in the oven. By then my name had changed, I was fully adapted to being a stay at home mother and housewife, my high school lesbian tantrum in my distant past, a teen age embarrassment.
One thing about my 'experience', every woman's first time is essentially an assault, breaking defenses, forced invasive penetration. How we justify it? Adapt to it? Every girl deals with it. The myth of some consensual pleasure comes much much later, after the honeymoon conquest. Today, sure I want my husband to fuck me. As much for my pleasure, as to be reassured I'm his woman. I willingly go to his bed. But it took a long time before I stopped being self conscious.
One thing I came away with, don't let lesbians define male female sexual dynamics. A man has to make his female his. His wife. His woman. And that is the sexual dynamic. We bear his children. And that makes us his woman.
I was released, pulled my pants up, he also pulled his pants up, approached me, held my jaw in his hand and kissed me. He took me to his apartment and I became his 'house slave'. Whether I became pregnant from my first time, or from anyone of the subsequent deposits is still an argument. I was fertilized that week, and delivered him a son nine months later. I was nineteen.
A lot of argument has ensued in female conversations about assault, r**e, etc. I was the victim, etc. The only thing that mattered is that I not only followed, I adapted to being the pregnant house wife. With all the trimmings, sporting my baby bump, and bragging about him. "Brainwashed" by him.
I sat out a semester, I found a great sitter, took nine hour semesters, finishing my degree on the scenic route with two kids and one in the oven. By then my name had changed, I was fully adapted to being a stay at home mother and housewife, my high school lesbian tantrum in my distant past, a teen age embarrassment.
One thing about my 'experience', every woman's first time is essentially an assault, breaking defenses, forced invasive penetration. How we justify it? Adapt to it? Every girl deals with it. The myth of some consensual pleasure comes much much later, after the honeymoon conquest. Today, sure I want my husband to fuck me. As much for my pleasure, as to be reassured I'm his woman. I willingly go to his bed. But it took a long time before I stopped being self conscious.
One thing I came away with, don't let lesbians define male female sexual dynamics. A man has to make his female his. His wife. His woman. And that is the sexual dynamic. We bear his children. And that makes us his woman.
- That's Juicy! 9
- Remove It! 10
