I Have This Fascination

With tranny porn. Tgirls. transwomen. And im ashamed embarrassed and dont know what this means. Bc i dont like dick and never want anything to do with a penis.

But i get so aroused and turned on watching tgirl porn.

Let me clarify i only like watching where a guy gets his cock sucked or he fucks the tgirls ass. If i were to ever meet a tgirl id want them to get the bottom surg Eventually so id have a vagina to fuck too.

But what does this mean? Is it jist a fetish? A fantasy? Something i actually want? And if i do where do i even go about finding a transwoman without using a paid app?