When The Heat Rises Your Vision Blurs And Your Body Commands You

In 2015 I decided to surrender. I gave in. I became one more foolish girl. I understood intellectually, but my feelings were in charge. It was electric. Best sex doesn't cover it, for the first time I knew I was a woman. A deep feeling came up in me, I trembled as I delivered myself, I wanted to get pregnant. No amount of discussion could change my mind, all I could say is that I wasn't in charge, my body was.

He, the man that I surrendered to, stood with me, introduced me to his family. It was a very uncomfortable time being pregnant in front of his wife and children. But one day, when it was time to deliver, his wife was in the delivery room with me. She laid my naked baby, fresh from the womb, on my naked chest, my bosom, to hold my baby. Motherhood is universal.

Well, my 'baby' is nine, in the fourth grade, I'm working at a preschool, my daughter's 'other mother', quit her job after Covid, and does the school drop off and pickup. My 'heat' dropped back to normal. But in the dark of night, when I'm alone with my thoughts, it rises. And sometimes I grab my pillow and walk down the hall to him. His arm around me, his breath on me, I cuddle closely. I am a woman. I feel it, like the tide rising. A calling, that I can't quiet. I need this man inside me.