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My wife and me are both 48, married 30 years. She is going through menapause, and her sex drive is gone.She says it won't come back, either. Her doctor doesn't want to put her on hormones unless it's absolutely neccessary.
So, the question is, should I find a friend with benefits, ask for her permission so it's not sneaking, or just give up on ever having sex?

Thanks.

15
# 8819 - by Anonymous / March 31, 2008
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Comments

Anonymous

by Anonymous on Mar 31, 2008 at 10:11 PM

there is a time when you should say enough is enough and call it a day. Besides your wife can always help you by going down on you.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 1, 2008 at 12:09 AM

And masturbate - - alot.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 1, 2008 at 12:35 AM

and buy a dog, too.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 1, 2008 at 3:48 PM

No, I would be furious with my husband if when I go through the change, he asks me to accept the fact that he is screwing around. No Way! It is disrespectful and hurtful to the person you shared your life with. Her sex drive or lack thereof may not be just because of menopause. See if she was willing to talk to someone like a therapist. Many woman enjoy sex well after menopause, try lube and really heavy make out sessions and she may be up for it sooner than you think. If not then go to the novelty store and buy yourself a sleave to masterbate into. There is nothing more I can really suggest, but sleeping around will just end things.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 1, 2008 at 5:23 PM

o.p. here - "heavy make out sessions"...nope. Tried that. The responses given are: "too tired", "don't feel good", "too much other stuff to do."

I do all of the cleaning, housework, and laundry. Take care of the two kids. Take care of the yard and cars. So, she really doesn't have "too much to do."

"Find a sleeve..." Great advice, except I miss cuddling, kissing, laughing, and having fun in bed. Masturbation isn't the same. Is it wrong for me to want intimacy, to feel the closeness of a woman?

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 1, 2008 at 8:08 PM

No, it's not wrong to want the intimacy that you once had. At the same time, to find another lover will surely ruin the relationship and closeness you hold so dear. Even if she okays the "other woman" she will have doubts of your relationship and of your feelings for her. Even bringing something of this stature up, will kill the chance of ever becoming intimate again, if not the marraige itself. Incase you haven't noticed, I have used intimacy instead of "sex". This is because if you have ever cherished this woman and what your marraige has stood for, which I do not doubt that you do, you would not take this potentially fatal step towards a momentary release. I have not reached menopause yet but as a woman I would be mortified if my husband had such a request. Also, I do feel that there may be other issues with your wife. She may be depressed, lonely or something chemically off. Menopause may not be the only blame, is what I am trying to say... Even if it is menopause, like I have said before it may pass. I have witnessed people in later years that your wife having an active romantic relationship, and even sex. Don't give up just yet...even if it has been some time now. Strongly urge your wife to seek council in this matter. I understand about the hormones also. I have heard of possible cancer links to hormones and believe that may be why her doctor is against it. If that is true, I do not blame him for trying to keep her off of them. Best of luck with what ever you choose. I hope you can find that spark again, it may never be the same as it was but that doesn't make it worse!

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 2, 2008 at 1:27 AM

Well my friend, say every heart felt thing that you've just written here to her. Let her know how you feel, and that you need her.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 5, 2008 at 8:56 AM

IT is reasons like this I wish I would never had married Men just can not live without sex.If you can not get her to just do hera favor and get a divorce.I hope she gets everything.whiny ass my wifey won't give me any judge so she isn't of value to me now.I hate men.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 8, 2008 at 3:56 AM

do the words, "go fuck yourself" mean anything?

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 13, 2008 at 6:29 AM

"IT is reasons like this I wish I would never had married Men just can not live without sex.If you can not get her to just do hera favor and get a divorce.I hope she gets everything.whiny ass my wifey won't give me any judge so she isn't of value to me now.I hate men."

Everything is just fine in your eyes as long as HE is meeting her needs but let him ask HER to meet just one of his needs and all of a sudden the "I hate men" fan club rears it's UGLY head.

I'll bet your husband wishes he weren't married either.
He's probably got a little piece on the side... or else addicted to Internet porn.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 14, 2008 at 6:20 PM

How does she know her sex drive won't come back?
It sounds as though she's written you off.
I doubt this is just due to menopause.
You've got to talk to her.
Failing that, talk her into going to a therapist with you.
If nothing works, then I'd say you have to think about your own needs.
48 is too young to give up on sex entirely.

On the other hand, I don't think you should try to sleep around.
If you have to, then make a clean break and start over.
It may not be as bad as you think it will be.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 14, 2008 at 6:25 PM

Shit!
Are you serious?
You do all the housework and she's 'too tired'?!
Does she 'bring home the bacon' in your family?
If so, then she's probably getting some at work.
You'd better check into that.
Seriously.
Hire a detective if you suspect anything at all.
Since you still have dependent children, you will want to have grounds for sole custody when, as seems likely, this thing heads to court.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 14, 2008 at 6:31 PM

Why should men or women live without sex? What kind of a frigid old bitch are you to criticise this unfortunate husband? If he really didn't want anything from his wife besides sex - and he's getting damned little of anything from her as it is, then he'd have left her sorry ass before this. Go back to the moldy Victorian pile you live in with your 70 cats and stop advising normal folks!

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on May 8, 2008 at 6:12 AM

I got to say that "hater" has problems she should address before advising anyone.

Your wife has different priorities, something is wrong, she maybe gettin it somewhere else. too tired, too busy means not on my list of things I want to do. she maybe thinking shes not sexy anymore or some bullshit like that.

I'm thinking you need get the business somewhere else till the store re-opens. She dosen't need to know.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Dec 28, 2008 at 11:28 PM

Have you tried horny goat weed for her? It's a natural supplement. She might try some other herbal supports - black cohosh. Add some ginseng, and some guarana. Some St John's wort to alleviate the grumps, and she might loosen up.

But yeah, talk about your feelings of how bleu your balls are getting, and your fantasies of other women.

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