I don't know if my life rocks, or if it's going down the shitter. You know that turning point, where you're leaping out there into the unknown, and just sort of hoping that things work out? That's where I'm at.

I recently dropped out of University (one of the best in the country, where I was doing really well) for a community college program. Why? Because I want to be an electrician, not just another 20-something with a Liberal Arts degree. So maybe it works out and I love being an electrician, maybe I've dumped three years of tuition and sacrificing my social life for studying down the drain for nothing.

I'm going to propose to my girlfriend in three weeks. She's been trying to get me to for a while, but I'm really scared. I don't know if I love her enough, and if I can stand living with her. She's got a lot of problems that I don't want to go into, but it means she needs a lot of care, and yeah, I'm scared of making that sort of lifelong commitment to someone who's disabled. I know she loves me to death, but I don't know if I feel the same about her- but I want a family, and I guess right now I'm hoping that's enough to start with.
Also, I masturbate a lot. To some pretty kinky stuff. And no one knows.
I have a dream of being a writer- it seems like the only way to live out the thousands of possibilities out there in life. There's so much out there that it's overwhelming at times, and instead of chasing down one possible dream out of a thousand, I sit at home and waste time reading other people's stories. Because of this, people think I'm interesting- but I'm not, just bored with an overactive imagination and no ambition.

I'm a coward. I'm a flake. I'm trying to build my life with a girl I regularly fantasize about running away from. But I figure if I just go and DO SOMETHING, at least it's better than nothing, right? What do you think?