For years after breaking up with a college girlfriend, I never really let her go--I even married and had kids and a pretty happy life with my wife. But we were having troubles, and I found my ex on Classmates.com and contacted her. She was lonely and bored in her marriage, too, but nothing to complain about, either. We were just stuck, wondering if this was all there was to life.

I fell completely back in love with her. We had lunch a few times, and drank a lot at the lunches. In between the dates, we had some explicit conversations about our best memories together and what we still wanted to do. All the time, we were both trying to rationalize the infidelity. We drank a bottle of wine over a lunch date and moved to another restaurant to try to sober up a little; we wound up drinking beer. Finally we couldn't resist any longer, and moved out to her car and started kissing passionately. We knew we'd be fucking if we kept at it, and it was the middle of the day in a car in a busy parking lot. Somehow, we tore ourselves apart, she took me to my car, and we said goodbye for the day.

We knew we'd tear each other's clothes off the next time we saw each other, and as exciting and tantalizing as it was, it also felt like we were damned. We knew it would spell catastrophe to our marriages, because neither one of us is very good at keeping secrets.

I went on an overnight trip shortly thereafter, and she even cooed that she'd surprise me in Denver. She didn't, but it was an exciting prospect. Before I returned home, though, my wife found our emails, read about everything, and the shit hit the fan.

I'm still married, but this thing is still there, and it always will be. I still wonder how she recovered from the abrupt breakup. If we ever see each other again, I think the best I could ever hope for would be the hatefuck of the century.

My advice: get a good password and a better poker face.