I'm 23 now and only tolerate my stepdad because I know my mother truly loves him. I live on the east coast today, but went back to Denver last month for my mother and stepfathers 15th wedding anniversary party.

When I was nine my mother had another baby but at two months old died from a lung condition I still don't understand. Both of them were devastated by it but my mother became addicted to Zanex and a few other types of medication. Thats when my stepdad changed and became cruel to me and seemed to get pleasure out of humiliating me. My mother seemed to always be in a fog and I suppose it was because of all the prescriptions she took. I tried to tell her several times what my stepdad was doing to me but she seemed unconcerned. I do realize now that she was spaced out with all the medication she took and would often sleep for 12 or 14 hours everyday and a few days a week spend the entire day in bed. Within six months of my brothers death I was completely petrified of my stepdad. I know I was probably a brat at that age but he began to punish me for every little thing I did wrong.

It started when he would ground me for a few days or a week not allowing me to go out or talk to my friends. Then he began to spank me and each time I had less clothes on and eventually he began spanking me naked. I do recall my mother seeing him spank me a couple times and because she never said anything about it I was naive enough to think she approved. My mother locked herself in the bathroom one day, falling asleep on the toilet, so my stepdad took the lock off the bathroom door. After that I had no privacy at all and he constantly walked in on me when I was in the tub or shower. If I complained he was the one who got angry and I was so fearful of him I had to put up with the humiliation of it.

I snuck out on a Saturday when he was at work and my mother was sleeping. I was grounded that weekend and was only at my girlfriends house for an hour or so. When I walked in the house he was standing there waiting for me. My mother was sitting on the sofa but he began hollaring at me and told me to go to my room. A few minutes later he walked in and made me take all my clothes off before spanking me. I knew my mother could hear me crying and screaming but she did nothing to stop it. It was the worst beating I had ever gotten from him. I was crying so badly I was speechless and he wouldn't allow me to get dressed and he just kept repeating that, "when you are grounded, you are grounded". He was like a maniac and began throwing all my clothes on the bed even emptying my dresser drawers. He left the room for a short time and I began getting dressed.

When he came back in he had two cardboard boxes and made me undress again and put all my clothes in them and take them to his and my mothers room. He followed me as I had to carry the two boxes down the hall while I was still naked. He sent me back to my room telling me if I wanted to sneak out again I would have to go outside naked. The rest of that night and all day Sunday I was nude and confined to my room.

My mother came in a few times but I was always under my blanket. She slept most of the day on Sunday and my stepdad made me come down for lunch and dinner naked but my mother wasn't there either time. He took her meals to the bedroom both times and even though I did the dishes often was never before made to do them while naked in front of him.

Things only got worse as I got older and even more embarrassing. I don't think I was spanked as often but when I was grounded, whether for a day or more would have to stay naked in my room. He always made me put all my clothes in boxes and take them to his room until I was allowed out again or went to school. If I was grounded for more than one day I had to take my clothes off again and leave them in his room in one of the boxes. He would come in my room or bathroom at random times but would also make me do chores around the house while naked. I don't think I realized it at that time but he only did that when my mother was in bed. I was developing by then and all I can remember is how humiliating it was knowing he was looking at me and following me around. He would make me vacuum or dust furniture and was seldom pleased at how well it was done, making me do it over and over again while naked.

When he did spank me it was always done in my room and he would make me lay naked over his lap. He never smacked my butt more than eight or ten times but there were long pauses in between and he generally scolded me the entire time. It hurt bad enough for me to cry but the embarrassment was worse than the spanking I receieved. This all continued until after I turned fourteen. It was less often I was grounded or spanked but he continued to walk into the bathroom or my bedroom whenever he pleased. It seemed like he did this just to embarrass me and the older I got the more mortifying it became. It was only a few months after my fourteenth birthday when my mother was hospitalized. My grandmother took me back with her to Fort Collins, where I lived with her until I was almost seventeen. When I moved back with my mother and stepdad things were completely different. My mother was fine and off all the medication and my stepdad never bothered me again. We rarely spoke and he never punished me or saw me naked again. I never did tell either my grandmother or my mother what he did to me over those years. As much as I dispise him for what he did to me, I know he did love my mother and did take care of her over those years. I think it was also to embarrasssing for me to try to tell anyone. When I think about it now it still angers me and when I did go back for their anniversary tried to avoid him as much as possible. He never tried to touch me sexually through those years, but did subject me to the most humiliating time in my life. I will never forgive him for it and only tolarate him for my mothers sake.