Im an 18 year old female that loves men...many men and yet im a fucking virgin

as soon as i see a guy that intrests me in either personality or looks department i have fantasies all day long about them. I wish that one day a whole bunch of them would just gang rape me. Currently i have one 'favorite' that is a close friend of mine that ussually comes to me to talk or for relationship advice (he's also super cute) that is dating another close friend of mine (which drives me insanly mad with jelousy)

men piss me off,they don't even look my way since im too shy.( i cant flirt worth shit) im not ugly, i mean, I know im no skinny blonde chick with huge boobs but im curvy with a nice ass and decent boobs, and to say the least and i have vasts knowledge on how to please a guy. Unfortunatly no one knows or belives me on this since im a known virgin.

im so tired of being a virgin sometimes that i just want to get a dildo and take it myself, the problem being is that im afraid that itll hurt and since i dont know what an orgasm feels like i dont see the point in publicaly humiliating myself in buying a dildo or feeling the panic that someone i know will catch me touching myself.