I always knew growing up that I was different from the other boys. I thought I was attracted to women. In hindsight, I think I was more attracted to the clothes they wore. I was always fascinated by stockings and pantyhose, and had my first orgasm while wearing pantyhose. One evening during a school dance, another guy called me 'limp wrists.' I certainly didn't act effeminately back then, though in hindsight, I'm wondering if this guy saw something in me that I didn't see in myself.

During my junior year of college, I started wearing pantyhose regularly, and I haven't stopped since. But that wasn't the only thing I did. I started meeting other men. I sucked cock and got excited by it. About a year ago, another guy fucked me and I finally realized who and what I was sexually. When he was doing me doggiestyle something clicked inside of me. Later he laid me on my back and started fucking me hard. As I looked up at him while he was drilling me, I came to a realization. I must be a cock-craving sissy, because I was wearing a camisole top, sheer black pantyhose and 4-inch black pumps while being fucked by someone who was much more manly than I. As I saw my pantyhosed legs and high heel-clad feet waving helplessly in the air, I knew that my place was not to be with a woman, but to dress for real men and their cocks.

I'm still closeted though, and not sure of whether to come out. Even though a part of me wants desperately to be outed, few people actually know that I am both gay and a crossdresser.