I went to a strip club this past weekend...

bad start already i know...

Got a great lap dance and got hard...the stripper seemed to be enjoying herself a little more than usual as well...even telling me I "messed up her panties". I am decently well endowed so she had plenty to grind on.

Had to be up early the next morning for work...in my hung-over stupor I threw on the same clothes and took off. On the drive to work, I began to realize I smelled like a stripper (lots of perfume) with an added hint of 'something else'. Stopped to get a coffee to wake myself up. By the time I got to work I had finished this coffee and had to piss like a racehorse. While unzipping my fly to relieve myself, I noticed a dark spot on my entire crotch region. At fist I thought I spilt coffee, or even pissed myself. I would not be so lucky. After further inspection with a sniff I realized the fucking skank got period blood all over me.

I threw up in the urinal. I need to take a ride to the clinic this week.

fuck my life.