No Remorse
My confession is that despite knowing I should hate my dad for what he did to me when I was younger, but I don't. I love him more now than ever. I know what he did would be classed as abuse - our relationship has been physical for years, but it was me who initiated and convinced him to continue the many times he tried to stop it.
My dad worked 2 jobs to keep us afloat, so I had to do a lot of the cleaning and cooking, but he was always so appreciative. I'd live for the fork being put down on an empty plate and his praise of a good meal. It would make me feel so happy that I could give him something he liked and enjoyed.
I think it was discussing with my friends about 'men' and sex that may have turned my head to seeing my dad as not just my dad but a man with needs. Certainly I had no time for boys as I had to get home and help around the house and yes in my head I thought of myself as a woman now, cooking a decent meal, making sure his work jeans were cleaned every week. I took pride in helping and we were a team. In my head, this mixture of having a man of my very own instead of the silly boys that my friends were involved with slowly started to turn romantic.
I started to kiss him on the mouth, just a peck at first, but a bit longer after a while until it was like a couples kiss. It became natural to say goodbye or good morning with a proper kiss on the lips. I adored it. I'd wrap my arms around his neck after and he'd tell me about his day.
We consummated our love on my 16th birthday. Dad had saved up and we went to dinner together in his truck. It was lovely and he tipped the server to bring me out a cupcake with a candle and I distinctly remember thinking that I was a woman now, and I wanted him to see me as a woman first.
As we drove home I put my hand on his leg and tried to explain my feelings. That I loved him so very deeply, that I thought of him as a good man who provides for his family, that I was hopelessly in love with him and that I was more than ready to assume more of the 'duties' that my mom had neglected.
We sat in near silence for the whole ride home, my hand still on his leg, and parked in the garage. He turned to me and said that I didn't know what I was saying and that he didn't understand what that meant. I let my hand slip up his leg to his lap and told him that I knew exactly what I meant, that I wanted for him to look at me as a woman instead of his kid. I shuffled over the bench seat and for the first time, kissed his neck. I think he was in shock, as he didn't pull away. I straddled him, guiding his hands to my hips. He grabbed my hands and pushed me back, looking at me in shock. He started saying something but I rushed forwards and kissed him hard on the mouth, murmuring "Kiss me daddy, it's ok, it's ok, I want you to, kiss me now". He resisted for 5 long seconds but slowly his grip on my wrists loosened enough for me to guide them to my breasts and his mouth opened and we kissed properly for the first time. Fireworks went off in my head. We left the car and he carried me upstairs like I weighed nothing to his bedroom.
He asked me if I was sure, and I said yes and then asked if I was a virgin and I said yes again. When he entered me it made my whole body light on fire and there was a brief bit of pain from his penis breaking my hymen. Every neurone fired at once and I was suddenly deliriously happy. I wrapped my legs around his torso and surrendered to the feeling of his thrusts, whispering in his ear that it was ok, that I wanted this, that I loved him and that I was his.
He didn't last long - and when he came it came almost from nowhere. Suddenly he tensed up and i felt 5 big pumps of semen fill my insides. His regret was instant, almost in tears and definitely in shock. We sat on the end of the bed naked as I consoled him, reassuring him that I loved him more now than before, that I wanted to make him feel special and that he'd given me the perfect birthday present. He came around after about an hour and we talked all night about how long I'd loved him. He couldn't believe what had happened and started to justify it as a one time mistake thing but I made it clear to him that I didnt want it to only happen once, that I craved his touch, wanted regular sex with him, that my body was his whenever he wanted to ask for it. He rang his boss and took a day off so he could take me to get Plan B. We held hands in the car the whole way there and back. That evening, after dinner, we made love again in his bed, and this time I came for the first time. Afterwards, as I got up to go to my room he grabbed my hand and pulled me back. "Stay with me" he said and I was only too glad to get back into his bed.
So my Dad and I have basically been in a relationship ever since. He sees a woman for a few dates every now and then, but its just for show to his buddies as cover for any stories he tells them. As for me, I love keeping his house, serving his meals and him taking me to bed.
