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Neighbors - we all have them, whether they live a mile away or just on the other side of a paper-thin wall. So, they're your neighbors, and you have to try to be civil. Or do you? Do you hate your neighbors? Tell the world about it. Ever "accidentally" cut down a neighbor's bush, or "accidentally" blow fallen leaves into their yard? Ever get a neighbor's mail by accident and opened it? Ever spied on a neighbor? We want to know!

- I Hate My Neighbor -

I used to have a really rude couple living next door to me in my apartment building. All of our apartments have heavy steel doors on them and these stupid retards just didn't get it that when they just let the door go after they opened it, it would slam really hard and vibrate the walls and make a lot of noise. These people would do this shit day and night. They would park so close to my car so I couldn't get into it and when they opened their doors, it was obvious they were hitting my car because it had silver paint marks on both the doors, and I drive a blue car. They just really went out of their way to be total assholes, and everytime I saw them I would go out of my way to be nice and say hi, but they just didn't seem to like anyone in the whole building. Well one night me and a group of my friends went out drinking. We came home to crash at my place and I noticed they had just bought a brand new welcome mat. Earlier that day, one of the idiots slammed the door and caused the walls to shake so bad that it broke a collector's plate I inherited from my great grandmother. So I decided I would return the favor and piss all over their new welcome mat. So I walked over, dropped my pants in front of all my friends and pissed on the mat. My friends knew what was going on with these people so after I went, they each took a turn pissing on their welcome mat. Well that wasn't enough for me. We decided to put my dart board up against their wall and play darts for 2 hours straight, pounding on their bedroom wall at 3 in the morning on a Sunday night (they both get up early in the morning and had a newborn baby, so I knew they would be kept up). Then we all took turns jumping off my bed onto the floor and making the walls shake, while I had my 250 watt stereo at full blast, which also meant we'd have to yell at the top of our lungs to talk to each other. I'm sure they probably tried to call the cops but the cops leave it up to management to solve, and management doesn't care unless the place is burning down or someone has a gun and is going postal in the place. Finally, around 5:30 we all went to bed. They were quiet all the day and the door didn't slam once. But since that night, they have been so quiet and they have been so unbelievably polite when I pass them in the hall that I think my friends and I made it pretty clear that we really don't take kindly to people who act like assholes and feel they have carte blanche to treat everyone else as if they are an asshole too.

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# 5623 - by Anonymous / March 27, 2004
    • - I Hate My Neighbor -

    I had to move next door to the ONLY people in the friggin neighborhood with an outside dog, and nasty bratty kids! I am going to have a nervous breakdown.! These people are ignorant! You should hear their kids! They are only about 11 and 8. They use every cuss word in the book at the top of their lungs. Their mother will go outside and scream at the top of her lungs and call them every name in the book to try and get them to mind! No wonder our kids grow up to be a bunch of hoodlums! Her kids even talk back to her when she does this, and they just go back and forth! Who is in charge here? WHY on earth, did I have to buy a house next door to nasty brats, the only ones in a 4 block radius? Must be my lucky life! And that is not it! Oh, no sirry! They have a German Shepherd locked in a kennel in the backyard that barks at it's own shadow! What a bunch of dipshits! The poor thing is a farm dog, and they leave it locked up 24/7/365 in that damn kennel! What a life! I am going to go bonkers! Calling the law won't do me any favors, because they will know I did it! Ever hear of crystal draino in raw hamburger? Here doggy! Yum, YUM! I really am not that cruel, but I can fantasize, can't I?

    1
    # 5622 - by Anonymous / April 11, 2002
    - I Hate My Neighbor -

    I mind my own business, treat others well and would help anyone who needed it. So why do I have do deal with this shit? I think it is because I am the only white-collar and they are rednecks.. well, not even true rednecks, they are wanna-be rednecks.. walk around with beer and their shirts off to try to look cool. I just stick out like a sore thumb. I overhear them once in a while talking about me. When I was putting up my fence to keep their dogs and kids out of my back-yard, I should have charged them admission. A group of them quickly sat on the back-porch of my next-door neighbor just watching the show. The handyman of the group making comments.. I could hear a little of it.. about how ignorant I am about building the fence and snickering. Well.. I did a damn good job, the fence is straight, strong and now I can work on projects and BBQ without being stared at. And its not like I am a city-slicker or anything, I am the hardest worker I know and when I am not at work working, I am working in the yard or working on a project, or working on my degree so I can get my ass out of here. These folks watch TV all day after working 4 hours a day. My other next-door neighbor does not get along with anyone and sometimes finds my backyard a good spot for throwing chicken-bones and cobs or corn after their cookouts. The other end of the road has real rednecks who have turned their yards into a used car lot. They don't get along with the wanna-be rednecks or me either. One even owns a small tractor yet does not have a farm (and lives on a mostly wooded lot) and rides it around for fun. Well, at least I don't get as many rude comments out of those folk.

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    # 5621 - by Anonymous / March 19, 2004
    • - I Hate My Neighbor -

    Up Front: I understand there isn't any "profile" for a pedophile, but the fella across the street has to be awfully close to filling the description. This guy has lived with his elderly father since birth, probably - for at least the last decade, certainly. His father died two years ago, before that, he apparently kept his offbeat son on a short leash. I am unsure if this strange dude across the street ever attended ANY school, but I know the guy has NEVER held a job, doesn't drive and wears only very brief shorts most of the year, complemented by a nearly perpetual baseball cap to cover his balding head(he MUST be 30-40 years old). He has a very distinctive high-pitched(almost child-like)voice. Since his father's death, his sole companions are the several children who live next door to him. He seems to be mostly fond of playing with the young girls(two sisters, probably 9-11 yrs), squirting them with the hose and giving them "piggy-back" rides, but will play with their brothers(10-12yrs)as well. He seems to have virtually no other friends. The parents of this tribe of children really seem too distracted to notice what MAY be happening, they are rarely seen outside the house while their children are "supervised" only by the weird clown, their neighbor. I gotta say, the guy seems less like "Gilbert Grape" and more like John Wayne Gacy. But the parents and the rest of the neighborhood(mostly rentals) seem either oblivious or content that nothing is "wrong" with this picture, but the situation seems a little remarkable to me, to say the least. What about you?

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    # 5620 - by Anonymous / March 14, 2004
    - I Hate My Neighbor -

    Everday they come by. They point at me. Sometimes they laugh.
    I am trapped!
    My only revenge is when I'm sitting on a branch is to poop and throw it at them.
    DAMN DIRTY HUMANS!!
    hahahahahahhahahahahahhahahhahahhaha

    2
    # 5619 - by Anonymous / February 26, 2004
    • - I Hate My Neighbor -

    I hate the people who live on the street behind me. We own a double lot, so our backyard is huge and goes clear back to the street behind us. Every kid in the neighborhood thinks it's just an empty field and they all play football, baseball, etc., back there. I do not mind that one bit. However, when my own children go back there today play, sometimes there are obnoxious kids back there all over our swing set and eagle's nest. That's the part I don't like. I also don't like EVERYONE walking their dog OUT of their yard and INTO my backyard (aka the empty field) to take a shit. I have watched it from my windows dozens of times. I have decided that from this point forward, any person I see bringing their dog to MY yard to shit is quite rightly going to be eating that same shit within minutes. Anyway, long story short, the neighbors behind us have a 7-year-old bratty, no wait, a DOUBLE BRATTY, kid who is constantly in my backyard and he picks fights and spits on whoever he can back there, including my kids. My 13-year-old son and about five friends went back there to start a game of football the other day and their bratty kid comes up and starts running through their game and spitting and cussing, etc. All the while, his PIG of a mother is sitting on her front porch watching. My son yelled at him to get away and get out of the yard. His mother comes up, yells at my kid that "he's only seven, leave him alone." I wasn't home at the time it happened. I have had a confrontation with her before when I went into my backyard and told her son to leave because he was fighting and spitting. He just told me, "this isn't your yard" and his mother walked up. I told her I have been watching him attack another kid and that there is no fighting allowed in my yard. She told me that she told her son to go up and kick the other kid's ass because they have been having trouble at school and thatI didn't know the whole story. I said that I didn't know about that and that I didn't care about that, but there was no fighting OR cussing in my yard. Everytime I see him back there, I open my sliding door and tell him to get out. He leaves, but then is back minutes later with his PIG mom sitting on the porch just waiting......

    They are trashy, and they would gladly welcome a fist fight, I think.... I have no interest in losing any teeth or hair, but at this point, I have no idea what to do. And, to make matters worse, the dad is every bit of 6'5" and resembles Mr. Clean. While my husband is not a "nancy-boy" and could hold his own, I still don't want to see any part of a fight with a man that size... (secretly, I think I could clean the floor with the wife, ha ha ). We would love to put up a privacy fence, but at an expense of around $6,000. I certainly don't have an extra 6K lying around. What do I do short of a fence? If I put "private property, keep off" signs out there, they will no doubt rip them out, plus I don't want to become the "mean lady" in the brick house.....

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    # 5618 - by Anonymous / February 26, 2004
    - I Hate My Neighbor -

    My neighbor should be killed. He has an attack dog and he keeps it in a chainlink ramshackle pen. I'm going to have to call the cops.

    0
    # 5617 - by Anonymous / March 23, 2002
    - I Hate My Neighbor -

    7 months ago, I was finally able to make my dream of running my own business come true. I took all of my savings and asked my parents for a $20,000 loan to open a small cafe in the neighborhood I lived in during college. We serve Starbucks type drinks and fare, plus a few hot dishes at lunch and dinner time. I even added small special touches like an in-house "library", art by local painters & sculptors, and two laptops that can be rented by the hour with internet connections. We even have singers and poets in the evening and an open-mike night once a week. I am not quite out of the red yet (business is slow in a university town during the summer), but I'm confident that things are going well.

    The only problem is my neighbors. My cafe is in a mixed business/residential zone. All along the block there are businesses on the ground floor and apartments above. When I rented the space, I knew that there was a family living above, but I wasn't too concerned. After all, I lived above a clothing store for 2 years in college. I introduced myself to my new neighbors and invited them to come to the grand opening in a few weeks.They seemed really nice. A young man about 26 and his wife, a couple years younger. Plus a 3 year old girl and a baby boy who was about 9 mos. old. They were very excited about the cafe coming because they used to go everyday to the doughnut shop that was there before. Personally, I thought it was a little irresponsible to give your kid sugary stuff everyday, but hey not my business. And I figured that I could steer them toward healthy stuff like blueberry muffins and fruit kabobs, etc.

    Sure enough, once I opened, they became regulars. Only not customers. In the morning, they come in, sit at table for a couple of hours, talking and playing with the kids, but don't actually buy anything! Once, the wife asked me for a cup of hot water --which she dumped 2 packets of sugar in and drank!! The little girl runs around bumping into me, my staff, and customers. Then the husband goes to work and his wife takes the kids upstairs. This happened every day! I can't say that I've lost any customers necessarily, but it was annoying to watching people struggle to find seating or take their orders to go while this family sits there.

    One day, the wife changed the baby on a table!!!!!! I came over and asked her not to do that. (The health dept would have a fit!) The husband started defending her angrily, complaining that there was only one baby-changing table in the bathroom. I couldn't believe it so I said "You live right upstairs, change your kids shitty diapers on your own table."

    Of course, they left and haven't come back. But now, we are getting complaints from them. Supposedly we are too loud in the morning and in the evening. However, we are within noise limits for a business and actually quieter in the evening than the bar 2 doors down. Plus, they say that cigarette smoke is coming into their apartment. It's not coming from inside the cafe though. I and my staff don't smoke and the cafe is non-smoking. Sometimes, people light up as soon as they leave, but I can't stop that --the sidewalk is public property. Meanwhile, we have smelled pot from their apartment more than once.

    At the same time, they are leaving bags of their garbage right outside our door (as if it is our trash) and at least four times, the wife has parked in one of our three reserved spots outback rather than parking on the street. He said that she did it one time so that she could carry groceries inside while the kids slept in their car seats, but I know their car.

    Our landlord says we need to settle it among ourselves. He said that they are good tenants and so am I. I found out that their lease is up and they are on a month to month. I am tempted to call the police the next time that I smell pot. Maybe I can get them kicked out.

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    # 5616 - by Anonymous / February 9, 2004
    - I Hate My Neighbor -

    There are a lot of things you can do. If you know what phone service company they are using, then call up and add on a shitload of extra services and have the account password protected. Unless they have the password they cannot make any changes. Hell, call and get the service disconnected and say that your psycho roomate will probably try to call to hook it back up and they won't hook it back up---trust me, I've done it.

    Call several companies, like contractors, mary kay, that kind of stuff and set up appointments for them to call come to that persons house at the same time. Not only will that person be pissed as hell, but they'll get alot of shit from the contractors and the contractors will see to it that this person's name is spread around to not do any business with them again.

    Call the local health department and tell them you have reason to believe that the children/pets/elderly person occupying the home is in danger because of malnutrition, garbage not being taken out, feces all over the home---they'll show up there faster than flies on fresh shit.

    Call the police department from a payphone across town from your house/apartment/dwelling and pretend to be the owner and report their car stolen. When they get in to drive anywhere and the police see them, they'll be arrested and have a bunch of red tape to sort out while they're in jail and their car is in impound.

    Take magazines and cut out the letters and send threats to local politicians/government officials/the president with their return address. Won't they just love it when the secret service and FBI bust down their door.

    Call the IRS and tell them you have reason to believe that this person/people, if you know their names, have been cheating/not paying/ is behind on their taxes. There's nothing like an audit to change someone's attitude.

    Call the persons employer and ask when was the last time they saw the person, and when this person comes in could they please call the police immediately. Don't say why, just say this person is part of a police investigation and has been dodging the police/FBI/government for the past 3 weeks and has to be talked to. Won't it be hilarious as hell when they lose their job.

    Take some of your mail, even if it's junk mail or whatever, and stash some of it in their mailbox (if you really want to go for true effect) and call the post office and accuse them of stealing your mail. Be sure to tell them about the package that Aunt Frida sent you from Kalamazoo that the UPS guy said they signed for and you never got because they stole it.

    If you can get their social security number, which is widely available on the internet for a small price, go to a local hospital with some weird affliction/illness/injury and use their social and name and address on the admissions forms. When it's time to for them to get paid, they'll go after that person and the collection agencies will start to call demanding their money. The new telemarketer law can't stop the collection agency from calling because the agency is doing legitimate business.

    That is all I can suggest for now. I take no responsibility for anything that may come back to slap you in the face. My best advice if you do any of these is don't tell anyone you are going to do it, plan it way in advance, and cover your tracks very well. ~~~Good Neighboor Crusader

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    # 5615 - by Anonymous / February 2, 2004
    • - I Hate My Neighbor -

    Hey, sorry y'all have sucky neighbors, but I love mine. Like physically.

    Technically he's not my neighbor, but rather my neighbor's brother-in-law. He's 19, green eyes, a musician in a punk band, tribal tattooes, piercings, and rides a motorcycle. Hot as hell and best fuck I've had in my 35 years.

    2
    # 5614 - by Anonymous / February 2, 2004
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