I Endure The Unendurable
I always had guy friends, but I could never get to the point of having a boy friend. I never even kissed a guy. In college nothing got better, lots of guy friends, no boyfriends. I got out of college and I could never move a guy friend to boyfriend. One day I'm at the dentist and I'm having a broken tooth worked on, and it hit me. I had to endure it, that's what a guy who put the move on me felt like. I never got to the point of sitting there and letting him work me over.
I had been to a therapist when I was in high school, and I had low self esteem. In college I talked to this one woman, once. She turned me off so hard I never went back. Maybe you like girls. Now five years out of college I talk to a college friend. Yes, to be honest, I always thought you were a lesbian. How can you say that? Well, I know lots of lesbians. O yeah? How? Well, I'm a lesbian. I had never guessed that, I had always assumed she was a career type.
I go to my closest guy friend, the one I can really talk to. Do you think I'm a lesbian? Hard to say, some gays come out much later than others. But you have to test it. So I agree to endure it. Agree to have sex with him. I get pregnant. I tell him he has to marry me. Sex is an endurance marathon, always. I can and do put up with it, but it's not my favorite. Of course being pregnant isn't either, but I'm totally surprised as to what comes after it. I am overwhelmed with my daughter. I will endure the impossible, let him get me pregnant again.
I'm 39, twelve years married with two daughters. I run into my friend from college. I see that you figured it out. No, I got pregnant. So, what's it like. Awful. I can't wait for him to get done. And I tell her I just can't see what it is about him, why does he want to grab my tits and fuck me? Because he is a man and that's what men do, if you had a girl, would you want to grab her tits and 'fuck' her? Don't answer, think about it.
I agree to go on a Spa weekend with my lesbian friend to the wine country. I do like wine. We go up there, get naked, get in the spa. We get naked, go down to get a massage. Get naked, we hang out and cook some dinner. Get naked, we explore what we are made of. It's not enduring, it's hard to process, and I don't get the pussy thing. The tits thing yes, the pussy thing no. But we kiss and role around in the hay and I let her 'fuck' me. It's not enduring, it's just different. I sort of miss the man part.
My friend took me to lower my inhibitions. She presented me to several lesbians, some my age, some older and one younger. Ten years younger. She has amazing tits, and a very tight ass, and she is into physical fitness. She doesn't expect me to be that way, she is into a 'mommy' figure. By figure I mean the mommy tits and physique. And yes, I can see the pussy thing. I get into it to the point I have to tell my husband. I have never felt so guilty. I was cheating, and I had two kids at home and a husband. He listens, doesn't say anything. He does not get off of me, he stays on and won't release me. Twice he fucks me. Twice I have to endure the unendurable. He tells me it's time for me to go to work again, get pregnant a third time.
No request, it's a man command. 39 isn't the age to get pregnant. But it's his command and I don't go against it. It takes time, four months before I'm pregnant. For a while there I thought I would have to go see some fertility doctor. But I'm saved from that embarrassment. I've still got it. I grow another baby, this time a boy. I'm back in his good graces.
