I Married An Older Man, And He Looked For A Lover, Now He Is Trapped
The most often question I get is why I didn't leave before I couldn't leave. Because I was young and I couldn't do it. I got married at twenty to a man who was thirty five then. He was already a doctor and he got me pregnant. At first there was the discussion about 'terminating the pregnancy', but no one including him really wanted that. So the decision was made by everyone that the only way was for me to marry him.
I really didn't mind. Some people think it's horrible to be married that way. But I was pregnant and that's what kept me busy. I lived with him in a house a few blocks from my parents and while I was still able I continued in college. After I got too big for that, I stopped college and waited out the last few weeks one day at a time, until the day came. I brought home my very own baby, and I was so in love with her I couldn't think of anything else.
I didn't have to work if I didn't want to, and I didn't want to. So I just got pregnant again and had another couple of kids. Around our social circle I was the 'young wife' and that never bothered me. I was married and I had my kids and I had a house to look after and that's where I invested my energy. It was more embarrassing if someone came over if the house was messy or in disarray, so I was a very competent and committed housekeeper. I had friends, some from high school who were now married, and other's I met because of my husband.
One of the girls I met was a nurse who worked for him. One day she confessed to me that he was having an affair with her, and she was begging forgiveness. I asked her that same question, 'why do you do that', and she answered 'I can't help it'. I knew what she meant, I went through the same doubts and feelings. As long as it was her I didn't mind, I knew my enemy, which everyone says keep your enemies close, and I kept her very close to me.
I wanted her to love him deeply. I knew that he wasn't able to really love like that, he was always distant and unapproachable. But as long as she loved him, then there was no problem. Whisper, whisper, why don't you have a baby. Yes I encouraged her to have a baby, she was already 27 and she needed to get her family started, and that way my babies would have a new sibling. I no longer saw her as the enemy, I saw her as my younger sister.
When she told him she was pregnant, he became very angry. I told him to shut up and take care of her, as far as he was concerned we were family. If he didn't want me anymore, that was no reason to treat her badly. And I reminded him that when he was on top of her to tell her he loved her. We became even closer.
We live in a world where we take care of our children, she is still a nurse and works at the hospital. She has two children by him, and our children have been taught that they are all siblings. Sometimes I feel that he is seeing someone else, and I remind him that I can and will cut his balls off. He chose this, now live with it. We are still young enough that a night with him on top of us is better than a night alone without him.
