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I haven't kissed a girl more than twice, have loosed my virginty with a hooker, and haven't kiss a guy. At this point, you could easyly think that my sex life is a wreck. Well it is...

After I had more than 5 male-to-male encounters, during my 9 up to 13 year old chilhood, am sexually disoriented. I asked myself, alomst daily, 2 main questions: Was it my father's fault, by ignoring his "not rough enough" kid? Was it my brother or friend's fault, which (based on my mother information) presumably harass me at an age that i don't remember?

I mean psychology can prove either theories... but can it remove my frustation and my hate towards my relatives? Which by the way, they can't/won't empathize me, because I profess a righteous life.

I MIGHT BE BISEXUAL.

Its confusing that i can be in a loving relationship with a women, and at the same time enjoy having sex with a men. Also, its confusing that I can't stop desiring some men, cant stop gettting excited by a men's body. Its sad, to know that i can't get a one night stand, beacuse I totally respect a women. Its scaary, that when your a catholic and want to get married, you cant if you have experience an homosexual encounter. Its worrying that I have not fall in love with a women in the past 11 months. Whats mostly frustating its that its not fucking reversable.

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# 11398 - by Anonymous / May 21, 2012
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Anonymous

by Anonymous on May 21, 2012 at 9:32 AM

You have a penis (not from a sex change operation)? Then you are a male, human - because you type language.

You have one sex - male. So, not bi-sexual in sex, although yes, obviously in sexual gratification your history indicates you have gone both ways..

I knew as a friend, someone who thought he was in love with me for years as a youth, and as a youth, less than a year older, in the same grade in school. I was not yag, and I didn't like it.

He thought he was Bi. He didn't hate girls - like you, he was friends with several, and even more than that - for a while he had an actual girlfriend, that even though raised devoutly Christian, he almost had sex with, but they decided against it because it got too cold as they were getting naked. He came on to me several times, and I had to hit him, kick him, yell at him, or at least I did, to get him to stop. So he was definitely sexually active towards the same sex. He declared his love me more than once to my dismay.

He is married now. I think he probably still has some gender confusion issues, and having dealt with this issue, I have come to understand it.

It's important to realize that men and women are never truly bisexual, because it is from misunderstanding what is true that's confusing them.

From your perspective, that statement might seem baffling, but knowing how the desire for sexual stimulation by and to another man originates, I am sure you will agree with it.

In his case, his mother had gender issues herself. She acted macho, at least in private - spitting like a man, and acting as if very strong, and tough. However, the reality is: the skin of a woman is thinner than that of a man. I once was trying to grab something from a girl I liked because she was teasing me and keeping it from me, but to my horror, I had damaged the skin on some of her fingers enough to make her bleed, when such actions would NEVER have made me bleed, or even scratched me. Now, I don't have thick skin, many men have thicker skin. I am not a big man, rather thin actually, and my features are fairly fine as well, as I am small boned compared to average. I am not less man than any other however, and I doubt that you are either, although their could be a partially physical lack that is part of your gender identity issues.

For instance, BPA is found in many foods and plastics that people handle, for instance: water bottles, and canned foods. Ingesting water from these bottles, and eating food from these BPA leaking cans can cause your body to be flooded what acts essentially like female hormone. This can make you have qualities that resemble or mimic what a female naturally has, and that can make a man complimentary to them.

However, the biggest issue is most likely how you see the relationship between a man and a woman. This is probably honed by your how your parents treated each other. If your mother decided things for your Dad, and your Dad let her, or maybe you see it as if he was forced to do so, then you - feeling weak as a man like the man your father was, may prefer to think of yourself as strong like your mother... and thinking that women are stronger in this important way, thus think of yourself as like a female, or at least prefer to. This is one possibility, but there are many different ways to get your manly qualities lost in the mixup of who is like you and how you prefer to be or think you are...

However, in knowing the true difference between a male and a female, and there IS a consistent difference... as you will hopefully see... You will know that only a woman can compliment you fully in a peaceful way within a family, and in a sexually satisfying happy relationship.

A man has a Y chromosome, and a woman doesn't. A man could have two, but that is a different situation, and I'm not sure it is natural.

I am a man, and though I am not as big as some other men, and I am not as full of testosterone or giant muscles, or thick bones, I have a voice that has a higher range than many men, etc. I am not less a man. I have qualities, maybe less obvious ones, but there and real the same, that are more manly than they have, and that make me think they are like girls in comparison. So thus, are they not complimentary to my male strengths? Would I not feel attracted to someone that has strengths that I do not and weaknesses where I am strong? Yes, but not sexually - because I do not want to have kids with a man, and as many complimentary qualities as he might have, I cannot want to lead him as the overall best decision-maker, because he is or at least ideally is, fully my equal, and it would be ignorant and unfair to assume he isn't. Now on the other hand, a woman is equal in value as a fellow human, but as regards ability to decide and to lead, she has obvious weaknesses, that I do not. I am aggressive mentally, even if I am not so physically, in ways that she cannot match overall. I have powers of discernment that she cannot understand, and that intimidate her in a battle of wits or a debate... Men have mental abilities that give them a clear edge in taking the lead in a relationship, and they are clear to anyone with an open mind to take a look at the facts in society.
Draft

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on May 21, 2012 at 9:32 AM

Now if you deny this, you want to believe otherwise for some personal reason, perhaps to absolve yourself of responsibility or to identify with someone you admire, or keep yourself from identifying with someone you hated the behaviour of, at least enough to not want to act similar.
draft

You have had sexual pleasure with a man, and thus, for the sake of that pleasure, which by the way you probably could have with an animal to a lesser extent as well, you will be attracted to men - especially those who like a complimentary woman have a mix of opposite and complimentary qualities to yourself, or at least - to those who seem to have them...

If you are honest enough though, you will want to avoid expressing sex towards someone of the same sex, because that would be pleasure only, and not part of being fruitful and becoming many, raising a family in a family unit led by the rightful best for the family captain protector.

Sex has a meaning that is often lost in the pursuit of the pleasure of acting out that meaning, and thus, people fornicate and have same sex hookups or long term relationships where they "play" house, as if they should be part of a fruitful family "in love" or at least almost so. But honestly, this can only most beneficially happen heterosexually.

They are often whether a yag or yag or not, somewhat confused about their own sex and the opposite sex and what the difference is and what the difference is in their particular circumstances... It does not mean God or the evolutionary force wants or intended or made or makes you properly or fully satisfied only or ever by sexual same sex stimulus.

Sincerely your friend as the friend of all,

Duly

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on May 21, 2012 at 10:56 AM

Thanks Duly.
I'ld to expose more information so we can synthesize this and find a way out. I though it was unnecesary to write a long post. But, your post has caught my total attention I'll try to go in the right order.

1.I dont feel like less of a man at all. Even in a male to male relation I figure myself as the strong one, as the active one. e.g.Am not atracted to sissy guys.

2. Its true, men or women are never truly bisexual. But how come can i go back and forth as if nothing happened?

3. It might be that my mother is the head of the house. Because of my fathers insecurities, specially towards me. He didn't want me to be bullied as he was. And I was borned I never was his favorite one. (we are 3 siblings in my family)

4. I truly dislike when a men adresses towards me as "honey, sweetie, my love" or any endearment. I also dislike to have a man as a "boyfriend" I don't feel right. I like: c2c encounters and I have looked for a one-night-stand on the internet. I haven't entered to a gay club. And I get more boners with males than females.

5. As in womam, I don't understand them yet, but not even themselves seems to understand. I got a dissapointing list, as in choosing the wrong gals (always too bitchy, or in love with someone else). Last time, the girl that I thought it was the one, dumped me and then gave me a birthday cake, and then after 8 months she had a boyfriend twice his aged. Am done searching the right gal. I haven't found and am tired of searching.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on May 21, 2012 at 1:55 PM

I feel for you, but it is futile to blame any one for it because you will spend valuable time and energy on things you cannot change anymore. So your father had insecurities, etc, therefor cannot change it, can you.

My two cents advice would be, stand up ( for yourself) and discover who you are. Try a relationship with a girl and see it works. Pay attention to how you truly feel. Also go to a gay club and see all those men and establish whether you belong. Once you have done that, grow on what you feel is the best for you and move on with life.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on May 22, 2012 at 8:13 AM

You are not alone my friend. I too wrestle all the time with the same thoughts and feelings. I constantly ask myself why do I feel this way? I go over and over in my head my first early on male to male sexual experiences. I kick around my relationship with my mother and father. Did my mom not hold me enough? Did I not have a good male role model and so on. I so totally relate to you sharing about your feelings. Having mixed feelings about being bisexual. It is very tough at any rate. I was seduced at 14 by a 26 year old who got me desensitized through drugs and alcohol and had relations with me over a year. It was my first sexual experience too. Ok I liked it that is the dirty truth. So I tried to bury my feeling in drugs and alcohol and really hurt myself .They say male childhood abuse is different from female abuse because a woman will feel violated and a man will feel shame because he enjoyed it. The shame here is much more and tough to deal with. That's why they call it seduced. I won't speak to your catholic up bringing but only share my personal convictions are it's not the feelings themselves that are bad but rather what you do with them. I hope that offers you some freedom my friend. Don't feel strange of unusual you are not alone.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on May 25, 2012 at 7:52 PM

I think you are over thinking this yes you are gay and you shouldn't feel any shame or guilt (Catholic) other wise. Come on and join the fun and admit it that a female is not what you are looking for but a male. It's OK to be gay who said it wasn't. It doesn't mean you are a bad person? It doesn't mean you hate women. All it means is sexually you prefer a male. Now get yourself a boyfriend and enjoy yourself. It doesn't mean you are a whore and sleep with anybody you can date a nice guy just like you and only be friends if that's all you want. It's OK to have feelings but what we do with those feelings is the question. Many thing gay means you are a slut! Maybe we enjoy being controlled by a real man but it doesn't mean you are crazy. Get your feet wet and check out a one of many local coming out meeting? You will be so happy!!! :)

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on May 26, 2012 at 3:50 AM

Lost not loosed.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Aug 1, 2013 at 1:19 PM

No one gets it unless they have felt it, I can say I feel the same. I know where it comes from though. I was sexually abused when I was really young got a long time by two different guys. Before it happened I used to have a big crush in a girl I was friends with. Then I started to be attracted to men. I
At a point now I can honestly say I am more into women and I want a house and kids and marriage and the white picket fence but gay sex is like a fetish. I love a good gay sex scene like some people like bondage. I'm not in love with guys but I will definitely go down on one haha it's confusing and I have had a lot of stress in my life before I accepted what happened and why I feel the way I do.

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