I got pregnant while married, and using the Norplant implant birth control. I ended up pregnant, and my husband and I opted to have the Norplant removed, and continue the pregnancy.

The child I gave birth to has been nothing short of a nightmare. From the time he was born, I carried him in my arms everywhere I went. He would not stop crying. I held him, I wore him in a sling, I breast fed him, I stroked him, he was so different from the newborns in the mom's group we went to.

Advice from a thousand different directions did nothing. He started climbing out of his crib and walking at 8 months old. The pediatrician told me he was advanced. At 18 months, he was combative and would kick holes in the doors of our apartment, the walls, anything he could destroy, he did. At the same time he was very loving, but I took him to the doctor, and he told me to stop being so sensitive, "two year olds throw tantrums".

At three years of age, he was choking his playmates, and at four, he was fashioning weapons to control the kids around him. The kids at his daycare called him "monster". That year I had to find four different day cares so I could work. My husband also disappeared that year, and left me to deal with our son, but no child support or health insurance. He was just gone.

I made an okay living, but was spending a lot of my money on doctor's visits, that I had no health insurance coverage for. I made just a little too much money for any type of wic, food stamps, or section 8. There were months that I was only $20.00 over, but my kid was still kicking holes in walls, and biting my face, ripping all the carpet out of his room, and I would just sink against the wall in a tearful heap.
My family didn't believe he was as awful as I described, but they also never offered to help. They lived over 1000 miles away.

Now, let's go forward to his teenage years. I am now getting child support, but my kid has tried to kill me several times. Kitchen knife, sledge hammer, dousing me with gas and trying to set me on fire, trying to push me off a huge rock ledge during a vacation. There are a few other times, but I just can't type them out.

He spent a month in a lockdown psychiatric facility just recently, and over his lifetime, he's probably been locked in a mental hospital for about 5 years for wanting to kill me.

He has been on medications, and we have been in therapy since he was 1. Nothing seems to help. He is my only child.

I am now on 5 different anxiety medications, and I swear, I can feel the life just draining out of me. I am sleepwalking down stairs, breaking my toes, my legs, my jaw most recently, and he just laughs at my injuries.

How do I get rid of him? He is now, and has always been a source of intense problems, but I am worried the stress will cause me some great harm. I love him, but he is toxic, and only 16. His dad is out of the picture, and all of the "boy's camps", and even Dr. Phil turned me down because of his violent history.

I am terrified that he will end up homeless, doing things for money that he shouldn't ever know about. I have asked for help since he was a baby, and I never stopped. He has a current diagnosis of ODD, ADHD, and possible(the dr won't diagnose a minor) major depression, with psychotic episodes. He is on medication, he is on probation, but the court only tests him for foreign drugs, not the drugs he is supposed to be taking.

He deosn't smoke weed, he doesn't drink alcohol, he never tests positive.

Since this is anonymous, I would just like to say that when I found out I was pregnant with him, I was on the Norplant implant birth control. I wanted to abort him, but my husband(at the time)talked me into having him.

I loved him from the moment I held him, and I always will, but he really scares me. How can I, in good conscience, let someone so unpredictable loose in society? The police visit him regularly at school, and now at home, but he is a good manipulator. They seem unconcerned with that. They say they are not family counsillors.
We are in Intensive Home Therapy 5 hours a week. We see a psychiatrist 2x a month, we have a therapist just for him, he sees another therapist 2x a week, just to make sure our home is clean and has enough to eat, towels, sheets, etc.

I now live in a $500,000 home, and only now are my son and I getting the social services that we didn't qualify for 10 years ago when I was poor and still in college. I am angry about this. I wonder what I can do about this so other people who are trying so hard to make it through life with a difficult child won't have such a bad time.

I feel angry, because there must be a better way.