I'm obsessed with pornography and have been since the age of about 12, I'm now 30. Looking back the girlfriends I've had seem to have come second to my sex life because I would always sneak off to watch some even when sex was good. I explored different ways to satisfy my libido, when I was in college I experimented with bi-sexuality, no sex just wanked off together with a few lads, I didn't see anything wrong with it at the time, it was curiosity and wasn't what I was expecting. I regret doing it now. So I continued to satisfy my libido through pornography and women. I wanted to get away from masturbation though so started to go to strippers and prostitutes. I don't recall which of these came first, more likely it was strippers. I enjoyed having girls strip for me but it seemed expensive and getting turned on without an end product gave me ball ache. Where as with visiting prostitutes you know you'll walk away feeling satisfied, so I started visiting them once every couple of months, though sometimes more frequently. I'm never satisfied though, it's an empty and lonely life, to lust after many females for only a short time with no future in the relationship, so I guess what I'm trying to say is my ultimate fantasy is to meet a woman who is exclusively mine to have sex with and to form a long term relationship with. Considering my history, I don't see how that could happen. Sometimes I think I just need to forgive myself and that when I do someone else will be able to as well. That would end the journey of the sex tourist though, which has been in the background of my life since I can remember, and for some reason I would consider that a loss, despite the loneliness and misery it has caused.