When I was 18 years old I got roofied at a club. I woke up 2 days later in some random apartment in the middle of bum fuck nowhere. A good 30 miles away from anywhere I knew.

When I woke up there was dried blood all over my naked body. So much that the sheet I was thrown on was stuck to my body. At first I dident realize where all the blood came from, but I soon realized it was coming from me as soon as the pain registered. I had cuts all over my back, stomach,and chest. My perfect body completely ruined. the cuts were all very deep im still surprised to this day that I dident bleed out. I got out of there as fast as I can, but not before some guy that was there that If I ever told a soul what happened he would kill me for real this time. I never went to the police. I was even too scared to go to the hospital to get my wounds treated in fear they would call the police and ask what happened. I tended to my wounds as best I could, I have no medical training what so ever so it was pretty much bandaids and anti-infection cream. The scares are big and raised and ugly. And I have never been naked in front of anyone since then.

Its been allmost 4 years since it happened. And i dont know how much longer I can take it. My self worth has gone to shit. I weight 250 now cause why care about being fit when your body is ugly anyway from all the scars. How could anyone look at me and accept my scars and thing im beautiful?? I mean really?? Who would?? No one. I wouldent even want me. I feel disgusting and worthless. And I have no one to talk to. I have no friends any more. I never had any family. Im all alone. And the pain is becoming too much. Al i ever wanted in life was to go to school, have a job I love for a while, meet the love of my life & start a family and be the perfect housewife. I know its a bit 60s but a girl can dream right??

How am I supposed to have any of that when No men or women would even give me a second glace?? How did my simple dreams become some far off star that i will only be able to look at and never have...

Ever since that day I woke up in that horrid apartment my life has been living hell and theres only so much I can take. Im not sure If my life is worth living anymore, because all I can see in the future is more pain and lonelyness. and when I say pain i mean emotional, mental & physical. some of my scars are very painful.


I just wish I knew what to do. I just wish I had someone who cared. I just wish I had someone to talk to. But im all alone.

At this point..

I just wish he killed me and saved me from this horror.

My life was over before it really even started.