I told my half cousin I loved her when I was really just fucking horny as Hell, I hate myself for it, I feel sick when I think of it, she accepted me anyway and from what I can tell, she's not pissed or anything. But she did tell her best friends and I just want to kill myself, this is the first time I've ever felt legitimately suicidal. I honestly feel like blowing my brains out for not being able to think about what I'm doing for three fucking seconds. The urge to cry is slowly building inside me, I doubt she'd tell anyone in our family, we've always kept each other's shit secret for one another. I think she knows I fucked up and didn't mean it, I just wish she hadn't told her two best friends, I know one pretty well, her friend and I had a short make-out session the day after we first met. We ended up just being friends, but now I feel like any chance of talking to her again without her thinking of me telling my cousin that I loved her, I feel like that will never happen again. God I'm so embarrassed, I hope this urge to put a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger will fade, I also hope this feeling to cry will fade, I almost never cry and I hate it when it happens.