I didn't know what category to put this but I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing. So I'm going to share something I've kept secret for nearly 11 years. I only do this because I've read some really messed up stuff on here and whether they are true or not a lot of people seem to be accepting and not judgmental. My case is no less messed up than some of these others. 11 years ago I slept with my best friend's dad.

It wasn't anything like the stuff you see on here. I didn't pursue him and as far as I know he wasn't pursuing me. It just sort of happened. He was my first and I don't regret it. Long story short my family were moving to California and I was going to spend the weekend with my best friend before packing for the week and heading out. I was anxious to get out of the house and not think about the move so I got there early and my friend was at a play with her mom in another town about 2 hours away. I was supposed to go with them, but didn't really feel up to it because of the move and everything and it wasn't unusual for one of us to get to the other's house ahead of them and just hang out until they arrived. We practically lived at each other's houses anyway. So I got there and it was going to be about 3-4 hours before she got back so I sat in her room listening to music and playing on her laptop while her dad was downstairs.

At one point I had went downstairs and we started talking about various things in the kitchen. There seriously was no lead in to anything. But then there was just this moment where he gave me a hug (it wasn't unusual for me to hug him or for my best friend to hug my parents) and I realized how attractive he was, how strong he was, and I was just aware of him as a man, not just my best friend's dad. I looked at him, he at me, and we just kissed.

Now I'm not like rail thin with big boobs or anything of the sort. I'm actually about 5'6, thin, but I have hips. I'm not big or anything, I just always had what I've heard called "good birthing hips". My bust then was a B cup, blue eyes, dark brown hair, and a cute young face that I still have. People still think I look like I'm in my teens. My point is that while I'm aware I'm cute, I'm not like hot or gorgeous or anything like that. I'm just an average girl.

I'm not going to go into great detail, but everything felt really natural. I had no idea what I was doing as I've barely even kissed a boy by this point, but somehow it all just felt right and natural and I let that feeling guide my actions. We didn't talk, we didn't say "this is wrong we should stop" or anything like that. We just fell into it like old lovers. I gave him head for the first time in my life in the kitchen. He was soft when I took him out of his pants and I had to use my mouth to get him hard. I would have finished him but he stopped me and he took me upstairs. We made love 3 times that afternoon and he came inside me all 3 times. We didn't even think about using condoms. After the first time I told him I was a virgin and he was my first across the board. He liked this.

Afterwards we pretended like nothing happened and I enjoyed the rest of the weekend with my friend not ever mentioning it. The next week my family and I moved out west. A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant. There was some drama with my family but I never said a word as to who the father was, just that he was someone I had a one-night stand with right before we left. I had my son and it was hard but I raised him as a single mother with help from my parents and then one day I moved out on my own and things were pretty stable. Financially I was okay. But it was still hard. I didn't have sex again because in that time I was pretty dedicated to providing for my son and finishing high school, and then after I really didn't have time, I guess. I mean, I went on dates, but other than with my son's father I wasn't the type to just jump into bed and so when I didn't put out after a couple dates, the guys stopped calling. I had a couple relationships that lasted a few months but I never did more than oral or hand stuff. I wanted to make sure they were in it for both me and my son and not just to get laid. Both times I was ready to give myself to them and the first one bailed right before I could mention to him I was ready (literally in the same conversation) and the other cheated on me and I caught him in the act. A few year later my parents moved again, so I was really on my own and just stopped trying to find someone. Don't think I'm a prude or anything... I went through a few vibrators in that time.

I talked to my best friend off and on during this time, but it got less and less and then one day we just stopped talking. A couple years went by and then out of the blue she messaged me on Facebook and we talked. It wasn't bad... life just happened and we grew apart, but she never knew what I'd done or who the father of my son was. As we talked I noticed she updated me on everything BUT her father so I asked her how he was doing. She scoffed and told me her parents divorced after her mom caught him in bed with young woman. She sounded really pissed and was saying how this other girl was only 20 and, well to be honest I kind of zoned out but she caught my interest again when she told me he had moved out to California. He was still around 3-4 hours away but a lot closer than before and both of our families were on the other side of the country.

Through my friend I knew where he worked but I didn't want to be obvious and ask for his number so I tried to find him. It only took a few days, but I waited several months before I finally got ahold of him. I told him I really wanted to talk to him, to see him, and after much hesitation he agreed. I won't lie, I was excited to see him again after all these years. I wasn't too worried about how I looked as after my pregnancy I actually looked better than I did before. I still look like a teen, but the pregnancy raised my cup size to a C and I did a rigorous work out to get back into shape after and still managed to keep myself in shape. I was willing to drive up to talk to him but he was coming my way a week later so he said he'd come to my place. When the time came I had a friend babysit my son as I wasn't ready for him to meet his father yet.

I wish I could say we met, had a great dinner, a great talk, and everything progressed from there, but that isn't how it happened. He knocked on my door, I opened it, we saw each other for the first time in years, and just as he started to mutter wow I pulled him in and kissed him. We made love on the floor right in front of the door. We closed it first, but that was all the attention that could be pulled away from what we were doing. We couldn't even make it the 3 feet to the couch. When I say we literally tore our clothes off, I mean we LITERALLY tore our clothes off. It was the first time a man had been inside me in nearly a decade (well, other than my mouth, I guess) and it felt so right and so natural that it was him. When he climaxed inside me again I had one of the most intense orgasms of my life. My neighbor, this little old lady, actually knocked on my door to see if I was alright and when I answered, hiding behind the door naked, she quickly realized what was going on and gave me a thumbs up and whispered it was about time.

After that we went to the bedroom where we made love all night long. No, we didn't use condoms. The next morning I found out he had a girlfriend. I told him about his son and at first he was angry but after I explained that I was looking out for him, that I didn't want to destroy his family anymore than the damage I already caused, he understood. We talked about the woman his wife had caught him with and he told me that the afternoon we spent together was the most incredible of his life and he fell in love with me. The other woman was him trying to make that connection again. We talked about him meeting his son. I told him I wanted him in his son's life, and then I told him I wanted him in my life, too. I told him he could have me, all of me, however he wanted and whenever he wanted but no more cheating, no more lying. He was to be a loving father to his son, and he was to love me as the mother of his son. He agreed and said that was what he wanted all these years.

It took him a few months to finally break up with his girlfriend, but in the meantime he made frequent trips to see me. He met his son and the two took right to each other. We've been living together for nearly a year now. He kept his word and I kept mine. His business is very successful and he takes care of us financially and we live well. He loves us both unconditionally and I keep my word and he doesn't go a day without being satisfied. I take care of all of his urges. At home, at his office if he's having a particularly stressful day. I do everything. Oral, anal, hand, breast, whatever he needs. My body is his. My heart is his. My soul is his. We are completely in love and completely happy, our little family.

A couple of months ago he proposed to me after we found out we're pregnant with our second child and I said yes. Except now we have to tell our respective families everything and I want to be selfish and cut all contact because we are so very happy, but it isn't fair to them. For the first time since I can remember I'm terrified.

Thank you for listening.