I never thought I'd cheat on my husband and family. I say my family because I have ben soo addiment about loyalty,honesty,committed and faithfullness. I didn't mean for this to happen it wasn't even in my fantasies so I never knew it was in me to cheat on my soulmate for life. I was a virgin when I married and until 18 months ago he was the only man I had known sexually and it's been hard for me knowing I'm not the christian wife,mother or person I am portaying at home and church but I can not tell anyone without destroying my life and family. I teach Sunday School for our youth group and feel soo hypocritical telling my students to abstain from sex until marriage and when I counsel them one on one I just want to tell them the opposite because the experience of my indiscretion altho wrong was exhillerating and mind blowing. I think of it everyday and fantasize it happening again but I'm going to do my best to never go across the country by myself again because I don't trust me. I mean the first time I went anywhere without my husband I was unfaithful and now I have these fantasies growing inside me also,it's a recipe for disaster marriage wise and not a wise decision to trust me. I don't even trust me. I can imagine the chaos that would befall my family should I ever confess this secret,omg the couples I have given martial advice to and most are still together,yet I had a big lapse in judgement during a one week ladies conference in California that ended up being two weeks and had I not stayed that second week it would've never happened but my trusting husband told me to stay the extra week and see the sights because I may never get to go again. We're an average family and sending me to this conference did set us back back finacially but my husband felt I needed the fellowship with other christian women and maybe get some fresh ideas for our youth and I did but got more than I planned on as well. I do love my husband with all my heart which makes me realize just how powerful satan's power of suggestion is,now I considered myself a very strong woman in Christ only to surcum soo easliy is devastating to my very existence,especially as a child of God. I do have this guilt and it's heavy but it's not worth ruining my family and whole life over it. I didn't want to share any details of the experience but I've kept it in this long and it maybe a good thing to get it off my chest just to see if it helps. Here goes if I can get thru it. I was booked in a room next to this guy and we crossed paths several times that first week and passed hello's and finally it was Saturday and the conference was over and didn't know what I was going to do to occupy my time but after talking with my husband which told me go out and look at the sights and maybe find a church to attend the next morning so I left the room to sight see and when the elevator opened thier was my neighbor in the next room from me,I thought he was getting off on our floor but turns out he had friends a few floors up and had been up there hanging with his buddies. On the ride down we exchange greetings and begin a little conversation about our business there and I was sharing what my husband told me about checking out the sights and visiting other churches while there and asked if I had eaten and if not he'd like some company and interesting conversation,plus he had a rental car and not wanting to rely on transit I agreed and we went to a resturant of which I knew I couldn't afford but he was nice and offered to pay if it wouldn't offend me. I agreed and we ate and talked. I was quite taken with his vocabulary,he was educated to say the least and nice looking and very charming. He asked me to dance I declined him but after his persistence I reluctantly agreed,it had been years since I danced but it was fun and first time I had danced with anyone other than my beloved. He smelt very nice and his embrace was very firm and comforting in the way he held me close to him. We sat back down had a few laughs and he order him a scotch on the rocks and asked what I'd like,I assured him I didn't drink at all but he said how about a little champange it's not acholic,it won't hurt me being there's a minoot trace of achohol. I was reluctant but ok'd it and I didn't feel any different after the first glass and the bubbles did excites my taste buds so he ordered me another and we danced two more songs and I'm feeling a bit warm which I assumed came from the dancing and was thristy and had two more glasses before leaving the resturant and by the time we get in the car I'm sweating and feeling the effects of the champange. I realize my words aren't clear even muffled you might say and he's laughing at everything I say,which makes me laugh and I'm enjoying the fact that someone is having fun at my entertainment so I step it up a little bit getting aggressive with my words even resorting to calling ppl names which is not me at all. We get back to the hotel and I'm feeling it but I'm in full control of myself,my values still intact. He walked me to my room he asked if I was ok,never better I said and went in my room. He said goodnight through the door which I returned back and being still hot I took a shower and sat on the sofa. I hear a knock on my door and it's my dancing partner and neighbor Nathan asking if I was sure I was fine. He said he felt guilty leaving me all alone after letting me have those extra glasses of champange but they did seem to relax me enough to have a great time. I told him I did have a wonderul time thanks to him and hugged him at that point he asked I would like to come over to his room to hangout with him and his friends which were coming down in a bit. I asked if he was sure about me intruding,he said oh come on my friends will love you. I got dressed and we walked to his room together and he had music playing in the background and asked if I'd dance with him one more time and of course I hadn't danced in years so we danced after the dance I looked him in the eyes and told him thank you and went for the kiss on the cheek that ended up being a passionate wet kiss that I didn't plan or expect but also did nothing to stop it. My husband or kids never entered my mind,God never enter my mind,my desires took over my body and I yeilded to the lust of the flesh engaging in an affair with this young guy ten years younger than me but I didn't care,the fuse was lit and I was going to explode as our clothes were being pulled from each other in reckless abandon and dropped to the floor,never had I felt such passion in my life,it was breathetaking as he lay me on the glass table knelt down and kiss my thighs. I could feel his hot breath where only my hudsband's manhood had been,never had my husband dare go where Nathan was going and never had I felt such intensity and need to experience,it was sinful,it felt sinful,it felt Like something I shouldn't be doing but I couldn't resist the urge as he brought to orgasm in a few minutes. My whole body shook violently and uncontrollably with every heartbeat until the pleasure subsided and he entered me as my husband did many times only with Nathan there was fire and warmth when he touched my body,such as I'd never known before and when I felt him releasing his little soilders inside me I thought it was over but contrary to what I was used to Nathan had reserve energy unlike my husband that just gets up or rolls off to sleep. I sit up on the coffee table with Nathan on his knees looking up at me kissing my stomach and breast,he takes my hand put it on his private part and tells me to take it so I'm handling it and he looks at me again and says "now take it" I feel inadequate not really understanding what he means. He sees my confusion and stands up with it right in my face and tells me again to "take it" I had never in my life but he insist and grabs my head and pushing it past my teeth and pulls up on my chin and I cluelessly start to give him oral and don't want to feel foolish I ask if I'm doing it right and he says just keep your lips around it tight,he'll do the rest. He stops to open some champange and tells me to lay back down on the glass table and he positions himself directly over me and pours champange on himself and wants me to drink it as it runs off his scrowdom and he does it over and over again and has me lick him dry,then pours some on me until we went thru drinking and wasting one bottle and he opens another bottle and I'm really feeling drunk for the first time in my life and he pours me another glass which I drink and we engage in sex again and I'm just drunk then big knocks on the door which jumps to get and before I knew it I was staring at his three of his friends from the upper floor and by them catching me unclothed and off guard it overwhelmed me a bit,reaching for pillows Nathan stops me and asked me how I felt. I honestly answered that I felt exposed and with his soothing way with words got me to not cover up and handed me another glass of bubbly which I gulped down as quickily as possible and asked for one more if I'm going to do this and everyone there started pouring me a glass and it was really hitting me so that I had to be helped to the bathroom and Thomas reached into my pee stream and started yelling at Nathan yep she's pregnant,yep Nathan you screwed up now cause she's pregnant,her husband going to kill you. I was very drunk and couldn't get off the toilet and Will starts in he's got to pee to and pulls it out and pees right between my legs while I'm sitting there and I put my hand in his pee stream and playfully yelling Will's pregnant to,then it gets nuts and everyone wants to play doctor like they are 7 years old and eveybody wants an examination from me,I try but all doesn't go well because I end up being the patient with hands skillfully finding every orfice of my body some weren't pleasant but it was mostly fun. Nathan and Will disappear for awhile and I'm there alone with crazy Thomas which has found oil and is oiling me up and down which only added to my inability to stand but it feels amazing and I can tell Thomas has been with lots of women and knows how to turn a woman on. I grab the bottle of champange and drop it so Thomas puts his hand between my breasts raises his body above me and tells me to open my mouth pouring it in my mouth. When Nathan gets back Thomas has me moaning like a dog in heat still pouring champange in my mouth and I grab Nathan's hand and pull him to me and kiss him when he says I went out and got you a present,I smile and he pulled out another bottle of something that took my breath away for a few minutes but I endured a few swallows of it before I couldn't take anymore,my throat was on fire. I told Nathan no more alcohol please and he didn't and we sat on the couch oily us watching a porn channel which I normally wouldn't do but did get a crash course in dirty raw sex and occassionally engaging in sex with each of them except Will who was just a sweetheart and little bit devil but a sweetheart for the most part that liked touching more than anything. I went to sleep and woke up the next day with Will still there holding my head and vomit all over me,Will and the floor it was a mess and stunk oh my lord it stunk. Turns out Will wouldn't leave me in that drunken stuper for fear I might drown in my own vomit and I'm truly greatful for that of him. My clothes were soo smelly I left them in thier room and wouldn't touch them. I found my room card and Will came to my room where we shared a shower and thoroughly bathe each other but that was it,nothing more. After waking up sober I realized in the shower with Will I lost something I had always had and that's shyness. I was no longer shy or embarrassed about anything especially my body and my husband likes the new me and believes the ladies conference brought the change in me and he endores and encourages those conferences for any christian lady looking for any empowerment from on high. OMG! The bad thing is I can't enlighten another woman without exposing myself in the process,so every woman will just have to find thier own empowerment. I wonder sometimes if divine intervention didn't come into play and I've been wrong about sex and everything I believe. I feel soo liberated,enlighten and empowered as a woman but is it a false empowerment,idk. I'm definitely a changed woman and now have dirty dark sexual fantasies of devious,devilish acts and it's hard for me at times keeping these desires and urges to myself,that's why I'm trying this sites in hopes it will help to be anonymous yet brutally honest about those events that changed and shaped me into who I am now. I like the new me just disheartning not to be able to share my experience and possibly help another chained up,bound up soul. It's ironic that before the conference I thought my life was perfect in love with my husband,dedicated,committed mother and a couldn't better life little did I know what I was capable of nor did I expect all that was pent up inside of me. I want to call Nathan,Thomas and especially Will sometimes but don't dare to. Thanks world for listening for whoever reads this will be the only people ever to read my story. Maybe I shouldn't sign off this way but what the heck. Daina one time only slut but a liberated slut,ok. 5/14/2013