I've done stupid shit since I was 8 years old, and have no fucking clue why.

I cut myself, broke my own arm twice, Drunk bottles of medicines and pills; not as a suicide attempt, just to see what happened. And no-one noticed.

3 years ago my parents found out about my cutting (through school after a teacher found out through an anonymous tipster that i haven't spoken to since), and i swore to them that I'd stopped.

I just got worse, I'm now bulimic, and have been for the past year. Eating just makes me feel dirty, i go to the gym, but it can't be working, i still wake up each morning and pinch the fat on my flabby thunder thighs.

The fact is, I hate myself, I deserve the pain, I don't enjoy it, but its the only way i know how to express myself.

My parents expect me to be a straight 'a', model student, who attends all the classes and smiles and is seen and not heard. I'm even applying to Cambridge Medicine because that's what they want.

The fact is, i'm a thief, a whore and a bare faced liar.

They think my 'cutting phase' has past, they think I've stopped. The fact is, I just got better at lying.