When I was in high school, 14 years old at the time I think, there was some disruption in my biology class and the teacher swapped us around and I ended up with the most beautiful girl in the world as my lab partner. After working with her in class I then learned that she was also an extraordinarily nice person. I fell in love. But I was a fat, homely, smelly repulsive loser. We talked and got along very well. We sometimes sat together at lunch. We talked in the hallways. Over the next couple of years we shared classes a few times. In school we got along extremely well. Then one day she told me that some of the kids had approached her and asked if she was dating me. She wanted my opinion on that. I valued the friendship we developed in high school. I knew she could never love me. I was unlovable. I knew that the friendship we had was all I was ever going to get. I treasured it so much. I would have done anything to keep it. She was never anything but very nice to me, but I was not one of those guys who assume that a girl wants sex with them just because she is nice to the guy. So I never made a move. I worshipped her, metaphorically from afar. I worshipped the very ground she blessed with walking on. The very light of the universe radiated from her. She was everything and I was nothing. What little good I felt about myself was due solely from proximity to her and listening to her generously kind words. I was sick to my stomach. The thought that she might be humiliated by a vicious rumor being spread that she might be dating me was too much to bear. I mumbled "why would they think that??" as though it might be the most ridiculous concept. I never got any further in the conversation. Of course my comment was meant to relay that it was ridiculous that anyone would think I would ever be worthy of a date with a goddess. My status was nothing but a minor satellite revolving around a heavenly body. Who would think a mere unworthy mortal would deign to have the audacity to think themselves worthy to go on a date with Ginny?? Surely not repulsive I. Well, It was the end of the school year and she moved on and I never saw her again. Somehow I think she may have misconstrued my words. Then again, I am not sufficiently arrogant to think that today, after all these years that I was memorable enough for her to remember ever knowing me. That was 35 years ago this month. I think somehow that she thought that I thought it was she who was not worthy to date me. Such a ludicrous idea. To think a flawless diamond might not be good enough to be set in wood. It is the wood not worthy of holding the flawless diamond. My fear of losing the friendship by allowing such a rumor to embarrass the girl I loved was what ended the friendship after all. I wish I had been brave enough to tell her how I felt about her but I was so afraid of disgusting her that she would immediately go away. Sometimes, no matter how you try, you just cannot catch a butterfly.

Ginny, I will only ever love you