Following the death of my father I found myself back in my childhood home, sorting through his personal belongings and trying to decide what to throw away, what to donate to the thrift store and what few things to keep.
It really brought back memories, as I hadn't been "home" in a lot of years. Not since my parents separated in '89, the year I graduated from high school.
I knew the reasons for their separation, of course. My father had been into porn in a big way and his addiction?? Fetish?? I didn't know the proper terminology, but it had simply gotten out of hand and my mother left. She never told me that. I just overheard a conversation she had with my aunt Sandy one night, when I was supposed to be laying in bed sleeping.
"I have to leave," I heard my mother say into the phone. "He's not giving me much choice is he?? His appetites have just gotten completely out of hand. He's getting into kinkier and kinkier stuff and I don't want it around Jack." a pause. "Well, no of course not. We've been very discreet to this point. You think I want Jack seeing that or knowing about it?? I mean, I know Jack found his father's magazines once in the underwear drawer... no, thankfully not those ones, just the regular smut. He was only eight at the time, can you imagine the therapy bills if he would have found the other ones??" a small humorless laugh. "I just really don't know what he'll be into next and frankly I don't want to know. He's actually driving down to Mexico nowadays because he can't get his kicks here anymore. Of course he takes me along, I love the shopping but I hate that the trips are mostly about him and his cravings. I guess I'm getting old. When I was younger it didn't bother me so much. But now, all I think about is my Jack and not wanting him exposed to any of it."
I never bothered to question my mother's excuse that she and dad had simply grown apart. Clearly his porn habit bothered her. Nor did I visit with him much after mom and I moved away. Dad didn't handle the separation well and he seemed to go a little off the deep end, once accusing me of always being on "her side" and implying mom and I had an unnatural, unhealthy relationship. I nearly punched him that time.
But the truth was I loved the old bastard and I always had. He may have had his kinks, but fuck who didn't?? I think my mother would have been shocked to learn I had grown to become a pretty damned kinky man myself. As for porn, I loved it.
But I didn't travel out of country for it. I didn't even pay for it. With the Internet, you were a damned fool if you payed for porn. But since my father had never owned a computer in his life, I expected to find tons of porn in the house. Surprisingly, I found very little of it. A few old cardboard boxes of glossy porn magazines, a couple dog eared vintage erotic pulp novels and a Brooks Brothers shoebox full of Polaroids of at least a dozen older women in the buff. I just laughed at those. It looked as if my pops had kept busy after mom left him for the architect she ended up marrying while I was in college. Well good for you dad, I smiled.
Then I found his VHS porn tapes. I decided to keep those. I'd grown up on 80's VHS pornos (mom would have been horrified). I must have sneaked most of the ones I found a half dozen times each. Christy Canyon, Ginger Lynn, Honey Wilder, Nina Hartley, Racquel Darrian. Those ladies had ushered me into manhood, masturbatory stroke by stroke during puberty. I had an especially complex "relationship" with Honey, because she looked enough like my mother to have been her twin sister. You see, my dad had hit a nerve when he accused me of having a thing for my mom. Truth was, I did. But I'd never acted on it and I wouldn't. It was my own private kink and it had angered me to be exposed like that.
I figured I was just about finished when I found a crudely made and not very well "hidden" false wall in dad's bedroom closet. There must have been half a hundred black Kodak brand VHS cassette tapes stacked behind the wall. Most simply had dates for titles, or multiple dates. A few had dates and names like "Los Algodones 7-23-88" and "El Chaparral "9-3-88". Then it hit me, oh wow...dad's Mexican smut, the stuff that was so bad mom left. I was instantly curious and gathered it all up to take home. The problem was it was 2009 and I hadn't had a VCR in years. A quick trip to Walmart remedied that situation.
Once back home in my apartment I set up the VCR and then stacked the tapes in chronologically order. The earliest began in the 1981 and the last was dated 1989, about three months before mom and I left California for Indiana. I slid the first tape in.
What I saw blew me away. My parents, dad and mom both - were on the videos and so were a lot of other people. Now all the weekends I'd been dropped off to have sleepover's with my cousins made perfect sense. They'd wanted me out of the house.
I saw my mother sucking men's cocks and eating other women's pussies. I saw her fingered, eaten, even double penetrated by men I didn't know and a few I did as "friends" of my father. I even saw my 5th grade teacher anal fucking her. I saw my dad fucking other women, and letting other men give him a blowjobs on our living room couch. The tapes became progressively taboo and kinky as the years rolled by. By 1986 my mother was wearing a lot of bondage gear like collars and full face masks with zippered mouths. She was allowing my father and the other men to write words like "whore" and "slut" on her with black markers and fuck her with objects never intended for use in a vagina or an anus and in one 10 minute clip she orally serviced a circle of five large black men and then allowed them to shower her in cum, one after the other.
As shocked as I was, I also found the videos had given me an almost painfully erect hardon and so I started to masturbate while watching and came explosively when I found a portion of one tape where my mother and my "aunt" Sandy (who wasn't my real aunt, only a very close friend of my mother's) were filmed having lesbian sex with one another in bed. Later I watched my dad fuck aunt Sandy while mom recorded and encouraged them from her spot at the foot of the bed, like some sort of sex cheerleader, "Oh yeah, that's my baby, fuck her hard! Make her squeal sugar." Clearly, my mom at least at this point had been just as into it as dad was.
Mexico was different though. The Mexican tapes were a disturbing hodgepodge of simulated rape and brutal gang bang roleplays, my mother having sexual relations with dogs and finally she and my father both having sex with partners who were clearly underage, male and female.
Now I don't put this last bit because it turns me on or because I want to titillate any of you. I add it because it was part of what I found. The fact is, I was every bit as disturbed and disgusted as some of you may be. So save the righteous indignation. No wonder my mom decided to leave I thought.
In the end I destroyed the Mexican tapes. But I still have the others and I watch them regularly. My mother never knew and will never know. But I do know now, why I have the kinks I do and why I and my girlfriend also sometimes invite friends into our bed and even post amateur pics and videos to the Net. Sex is a wonderfully gratifying experience and it's better with more people. If, that is, you control your taboo fetish rather than allowing it to control you like my late father.