Straight Male / 53
My wife recently passed away. We were married for 44 years. From our mid to late 30s until our early fifties we lived the swinger lifestyle. Things were different in those days. STDs were a minor concern. People were comfortable expressing their sexuality and my wife and I weren't shy about expressing ours. My wife was the one who introduced swinging and many other kinks into our lives. I'm not going to talk about everything we experienced but there was little we at least didn't experiment with. Eventually it just was over and we settled into the life of an older respectable married couple.
When my wife was ill, she confessed that she had kept a diary for most of her adult life. She asked that I not read it until after she passed. I finished it not long ago. There are a lot of everyday things in the book. A lot about her feelings regarding our relationship, our children, family members and friends. Some of what I've read is infuriating and some is heartbreaking but most of it is heartwarming. I've learned many things about my life partner I just never realized. I loved her dearly and miss her terribly.
There were of course many passages about our sex life. It was a hell of a journey not only reliving old experiences through her eyes right after they happened but through her eyes looking back on those same experiences many years later. I found out why she encouraged that we experiment and found out that some of the things she did sexually didn't interest her at all. She did them simply to please me. One such thing was lesbian sex. She had always been very enthusiastic when having sex with women in those party days. I found out that was all simply a show for the benefit of others. I also found out that there were things she kept secret from me. Many things.
I found out that she often used to meet a frequent male play partner of ours on the side to give him blow jobs. It went on for years. For some reason orally gratifying this man gave her some type of perverse thrill. She talked of how happy her days were after servicing him and how much she looked forward to pleasing him. I found out that she once visited a hotel room with several female friends of ours from the lifestyle to watch a group of men have sex with each other. She had sex with three of her bosses over the years back when we were maintaining an "open" marriage. She also participated in a few daytime sex parties with black men back when that was a far less common activity. I found out that it thrilled her endlessly that she had allowed a man from a party to take a nude Polaroid of her with her legs and pussy spread wide open that he told her he was going to pin to the dash of his work truck so he and his partners could look at her pussy all day everyday. She wrote about that picture again and again. The idea of it being out there pleasing men was a thrilling boost to her. She also was well aware of a few things I had done that I didn't know she was knew of.
Back then she had turned us onto light bondage and S&M. It was mostly about being tied up and teased and getting sexed up. We were into that for a few years. It was really more for her as she was serious about it for a long time. I found out that she had discovered how emotionally satisfying bondage was to her when a female friend from the lifestyle talked her into participating in a bondage session with she and her husband. She went into great detail in her diary about the session. It was one of the few times in her life she gained any satisfaction from performing oral sex on a woman because she was forced to do so by the woman's husband during the session. She had many sessions with that couple over the next few years I was unaware of. Both of those people are deceased now but her diary makes for some hot reading.
I came across one passage that was very disturbing however. I've read it about a hundred times now. My wife enjoyed her bondage sessions with the other man far more than she did with me. I was less demanding and my sessions were rather lighthearted and tame and more about sex than anything else. This other guy was more about control and desire than sexual gratification. He mastered her emotions more than anything else.
I found that he used to come to my house when we were in our early forties and I was away on business where he would bound my wife in different ways, exposing her and teasing her relentlessly. I found that he often forced her to expose herself to men in different inventive ways. One passage recounted a day when he ordered her to lay in bed nude with her legs spread wide with the shades up just enough on a day the landscapers would be there. She was ordered to stay that way until one of the men saw her. She was to masturbate to orgasm never letting on that she knew men were watching. She recounted masturbating to at least two of the men that she noticed looking in. There were other men she exposed herself to simply to please him over the years as well.
The disturbing incident occurred during this phase. She was tied up in our kitchen, blindfolded, gagged and bound with her legs spread wide, pussy totally exposed and her arms tied behind her back on our table. He had done this several times to her. He would bind her exposed like this, open the back door and leave for an hour or so. The thrill of possibly being seen by someone coming to the back door was exhilarating to my wife until the day it actually happened.
Our neighbor came by hoping to see me. My wife had never liked him before and certainly didn't afterward. He saw her spread out on the table and came in. This is her entry from September 14, 1983:
"Robert played the game again today. As usual. Naturally, I cringed when I heard Stanley R's voice calling out for Ben. I prayed to god he didn't see me. Then the storm door opened and his loathsome voice called out again. Then nothing once he saw. I tried to cry out but I couldn't. He didn't say anything more but I knew it was him. I could feel his eyes boring into me and picture that arrogant smile of his making my skin crawl. I've rebuffed pass after pass from this creature and now I found myself unable to dismiss him. I suppose this was bound to happen eventually. It was the game after all. But oh to be anyone, anyone else but him. God I struggled and silently screamed when I felt his hands on my body, caressing me, trying to tease me, to please me. Anyone but him. When I felt him wetting me and entering with his fingers I screamed and screamed around my gag. When his penis replaced his fingers and I felt him thrusting I wanted to disappear from this earth. He tormented me with it forever before he finally finished. He pulled out of me roughly and contemptuously. I could feel him watching me as tears soaked my blind and his filth leaked from my body. I felt no relief when he left. None when Robert came back to find me raped in my kitchen. He and Linda took as good care of me as they could but I need my Ben."
She never told me about this. If I had known, both Robert and Stan would have suffered. One for his stupidity and the other for hurting my beautiful wife. Thinking back, the signs of distress were there but lost in everyday life. She mentioned this incident several times in her diaries over the years. The bondage sessions ended. She recovered and certainly continued to enjoy her sexuality. Stan never mentioned the incident in any way to her. She dropped hints to him over the years and got nothing. She harbored feelings of guilt and embarrassment over this the rest of her life which occasionally surfaced. I wish she had confided in me. Many of her entries were clear that her reputation be maintained and that she wanted no one but herself and Stan to know. She hoped to outlive him so her secret would die with him but it wasn't to be. I see he and his wife almost everyday. My good buddy Stan. It's been a struggle to honor her memory by keeping her secret.
When my wife was ill, she confessed that she had kept a diary for most of her adult life. She asked that I not read it until after she passed. I finished it not long ago. There are a lot of everyday things in the book. A lot about her feelings regarding our relationship, our children, family members and friends. Some of what I've read is infuriating and some is heartbreaking but most of it is heartwarming. I've learned many things about my life partner I just never realized. I loved her dearly and miss her terribly.
There were of course many passages about our sex life. It was a hell of a journey not only reliving old experiences through her eyes right after they happened but through her eyes looking back on those same experiences many years later. I found out why she encouraged that we experiment and found out that some of the things she did sexually didn't interest her at all. She did them simply to please me. One such thing was lesbian sex. She had always been very enthusiastic when having sex with women in those party days. I found out that was all simply a show for the benefit of others. I also found out that there were things she kept secret from me. Many things.
I found out that she often used to meet a frequent male play partner of ours on the side to give him blow jobs. It went on for years. For some reason orally gratifying this man gave her some type of perverse thrill. She talked of how happy her days were after servicing him and how much she looked forward to pleasing him. I found out that she once visited a hotel room with several female friends of ours from the lifestyle to watch a group of men have sex with each other. She had sex with three of her bosses over the years back when we were maintaining an "open" marriage. She also participated in a few daytime sex parties with black men back when that was a far less common activity. I found out that it thrilled her endlessly that she had allowed a man from a party to take a nude Polaroid of her with her legs and pussy spread wide open that he told her he was going to pin to the dash of his work truck so he and his partners could look at her pussy all day everyday. She wrote about that picture again and again. The idea of it being out there pleasing men was a thrilling boost to her. She also was well aware of a few things I had done that I didn't know she was knew of.
Back then she had turned us onto light bondage and S&M. It was mostly about being tied up and teased and getting sexed up. We were into that for a few years. It was really more for her as she was serious about it for a long time. I found out that she had discovered how emotionally satisfying bondage was to her when a female friend from the lifestyle talked her into participating in a bondage session with she and her husband. She went into great detail in her diary about the session. It was one of the few times in her life she gained any satisfaction from performing oral sex on a woman because she was forced to do so by the woman's husband during the session. She had many sessions with that couple over the next few years I was unaware of. Both of those people are deceased now but her diary makes for some hot reading.
I came across one passage that was very disturbing however. I've read it about a hundred times now. My wife enjoyed her bondage sessions with the other man far more than she did with me. I was less demanding and my sessions were rather lighthearted and tame and more about sex than anything else. This other guy was more about control and desire than sexual gratification. He mastered her emotions more than anything else.
I found that he used to come to my house when we were in our early forties and I was away on business where he would bound my wife in different ways, exposing her and teasing her relentlessly. I found that he often forced her to expose herself to men in different inventive ways. One passage recounted a day when he ordered her to lay in bed nude with her legs spread wide with the shades up just enough on a day the landscapers would be there. She was ordered to stay that way until one of the men saw her. She was to masturbate to orgasm never letting on that she knew men were watching. She recounted masturbating to at least two of the men that she noticed looking in. There were other men she exposed herself to simply to please him over the years as well.
The disturbing incident occurred during this phase. She was tied up in our kitchen, blindfolded, gagged and bound with her legs spread wide, pussy totally exposed and her arms tied behind her back on our table. He had done this several times to her. He would bind her exposed like this, open the back door and leave for an hour or so. The thrill of possibly being seen by someone coming to the back door was exhilarating to my wife until the day it actually happened.
Our neighbor came by hoping to see me. My wife had never liked him before and certainly didn't afterward. He saw her spread out on the table and came in. This is her entry from September 14, 1983:
"Robert played the game again today. As usual. Naturally, I cringed when I heard Stanley R's voice calling out for Ben. I prayed to god he didn't see me. Then the storm door opened and his loathsome voice called out again. Then nothing once he saw. I tried to cry out but I couldn't. He didn't say anything more but I knew it was him. I could feel his eyes boring into me and picture that arrogant smile of his making my skin crawl. I've rebuffed pass after pass from this creature and now I found myself unable to dismiss him. I suppose this was bound to happen eventually. It was the game after all. But oh to be anyone, anyone else but him. God I struggled and silently screamed when I felt his hands on my body, caressing me, trying to tease me, to please me. Anyone but him. When I felt him wetting me and entering with his fingers I screamed and screamed around my gag. When his penis replaced his fingers and I felt him thrusting I wanted to disappear from this earth. He tormented me with it forever before he finally finished. He pulled out of me roughly and contemptuously. I could feel him watching me as tears soaked my blind and his filth leaked from my body. I felt no relief when he left. None when Robert came back to find me raped in my kitchen. He and Linda took as good care of me as they could but I need my Ben."
She never told me about this. If I had known, both Robert and Stan would have suffered. One for his stupidity and the other for hurting my beautiful wife. Thinking back, the signs of distress were there but lost in everyday life. She mentioned this incident several times in her diaries over the years. The bondage sessions ended. She recovered and certainly continued to enjoy her sexuality. Stan never mentioned the incident in any way to her. She dropped hints to him over the years and got nothing. She harbored feelings of guilt and embarrassment over this the rest of her life which occasionally surfaced. I wish she had confided in me. Many of her entries were clear that her reputation be maintained and that she wanted no one but herself and Stan to know. She hoped to outlive him so her secret would die with him but it wasn't to be. I see he and his wife almost everyday. My good buddy Stan. It's been a struggle to honor her memory by keeping her secret.
- That's Juicy! 15
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