I've decided to finally confront something I've been avoiding even thinking about for decades now. Doing it anonymously online seems like a good first step to me.
When I was 20 years old, I was on holiday alone in New York. I didn't know the area that well and accidentally wandered into a rough-looking part of town. I tried to retrace my steps but I already had a group of men following me.
Long story short, they pulled me into a small park area behind some bushes and gang-raped me at knife point. There were people not that far away but they told me if I made a sound they would cut right through my neck immediately.
They raped me for over two hours. It might have even been three. They also did many things to me that I had NEVER done before, as I was a good christian girl who'd only had one long-term boyfriend at the time. They ejcaulated in my mouth and forced me to swallow it, and they even ejaculated in my bra so that when I was told to put it back on I walked away with my attackers' sperm coating my breasts.
I don't think I cried or anything as I was in total shock. I felt numb. But the thing that has made me too ashamed to even think about it much in all the years since is that after the first ten minutes or so (I have hated myself so much for this) I started coming.
My orgasms just encouraged them and they all took multiple turns with me. I have never been more physically aroused in my life, despite feeling sick with violation. Every time I felt one of them ejaculate inside me it just set off more orgasms like my body was chemically reacting to their evil disgusting semen.
I have needless to say NEVER spoken about this to anyone. For some reason I never even reported it. It was the fact my body betrayed me during my attack by enjoying it so much that has caused me the most difficulty. I regularly have nightmares about the incident where I wake up terrified but wet with arousal.