I used to have more caring or sexual fantasies not I just feel like I want to kill all the time. I know its not normal.

most people want to believe that if we do good things that it will come back to us. that is what I used to think but now I question.

I just want someone to see it from my point of view when I was being molested.

I have been a fun person but from a young age I had conversations with older people about serious things like rape, murder, gas chambers, suicide, alcoholism, etc.

but violence is subtle in the world that is just as powerful message as full on violence anyway.

people have told me that I should try aggressive sex but I don't know if it would help me???????? it could create a greater problem... underneath I am a sensual person but sometimes I feel violent and I don't know why.

I am not a hard core feminist either. I feel like my soul is dying or something weird.