rick used to talk about south American karma and he frightened me when he talked like that. but I know how deadly they can be.

ricky was a lot different to rick. a lot different in many ways.

rick and katy got all these huge like vet syringes that you would use on cows or horses and filled them with vodka and red cordial and pushed them down our throats.

at university I would go to the toilets and get down on my hands and knees and cry.

if those photos are real of my mother in a porn film I was shocked but then it all made sense then what katy and rick were doing to me. revenge south American karma. my mum denies it but I have to wonder.

and then I think my grandmother may have been in vintage porn as well, that was how she met valentine maybe ???????? its so weird.

rick wanted to do porn on video with me and katy in a threesome but I was not keen on that at all. that was the messages he was sending me. I don't mind watching tasteful porn for some ideas and I like vintage porn mostly and I have a few fetishes. :) but I don't think I want to be in a porn film - I would much rather just have great sex with my partner.

I am not exhibitionist sexually. I am mostly shy and more likely to wait for a guy to make a move on me even in a stable relationship. but I feel a degree of performance anxiety sexually which is crazy I guess in this world. I don't like sexual stupidity either... I love nice sex scene that are more likely to turn a woman on then a man. they say that soap opera is equal to porn for women, but not so, unless its a little raunchy and I am a little kinky... because I like situational sex as opposed to just fucking. and some porn films are stupid. I like good sex scenes other wise don't fringing bother. subtle sex is always a turn on anyway for girls.

girls love a subtle secretive manures a man makes. one night a guy came up to me and he put his hand on the bar at a night club and I was looking ok this night with blonde hair thin etc and I was so dumb but the nicest thing was I just caressed his hand with a finger not even really aware I was doing it. I knocked him back and that was so retarted of me... he was so hot I would have been so orgasmic to wake up next to him. but I made an excuse and say "Oh I am sort of in a relationship" but I wasn't... DUMB or what???? he was model hot like.

so I am often dumb like that. god I am when it comes to guys.

the little things go a long way like touching. breathing into an ear. keep it subtle til you know she likes you.

so now I have a fetish for old fashioned stocking panty hose and garters and suspenders. a garnet red for seriously raunchy night or day... and that is bold for me, but its a nice vintage style red lace that I would like to try with a guy like david or ben ...